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As of right now, Justin Bieber has until midnight tonight to reclaim his monkey Mally, or else she becomes the responsibility of German authorities. Yes, because that’s the best way to make an impression on an irresponsible tiny millionaire — “Either you take care of this monkey or we’re gonna take care of it for you so you don’t have to worry about it anymore!” More
After you break up with someone and then get back together with them and then break up a few more times and generally confuse the nation, the best place for you guys to be is on the same judging panel for a reality TV talent competition like American Idol, right? More
The long arm of the law is out to get Justin Bieber, just because he spit on a neighbor and threatened to kill him. No fair! More
This story is still developing, so we don’t have all (or any) of the details confirmed yet, but TMZ is reporting that cops in Sweden found pot and a taser on Justin Bieber‘s tour bus last night. Oh shit son! More
If I said the words to you, “there’s a Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber mash-up out there in the world”, what would your first thought be? If you immediately got an image of an androgynous little baby with sick abs and an inexplicable bindi, then congratulations, you and I should be friends because our minds work the same. More
Yesterday a huge, scandalous, sizzling, juicy piece of information came to our attention: Justin Bieber may or may not have a photo of Selena Gomez >as his phone wallpaper. I know, I know! Scandalous. But now they’re probz really back together. More
Sweet Jesus, can someone give Justin Bieber the Cliff’s Notes version of World War II? Apparently the Biebs also doesn’t know The Diary of Anne Frank wasn’t the diary of a typical ’40s tween. Hell, I’m not even sure he knows exactly who Anne Frank was even though he just toured the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam this weekend. More
Sometimes I can’t tell if Justin Bieber is an evil genius or just a really famous nineteen-year old bumbling around his life doing dumb things. On the one hand, he’s acting like a lunatic, but on the other hand, I’m talking about it, so who’s really the crazy person here, y’know what I mean? More
Even though I thought I solved the mystery of Justin Bieber‘s downward spiral the other day, when I theorized that he’s a youthful robot not programmed to accept the existence of boobs, I think I may have to revise that hypothesis slightly. I’m looking at you, Selena Gomez. More
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Finally, finally, we have some explanation for the fact that Justin Bieber has been self-destructing lately. He saw a fully-uncovered boob and it short-circuited his brain. More
Justin Bieber is on a streak of great ideas lately, eh? He’s smoking weed, wearing diaper pants, stripping down in Polish airports while on tour, breaking up with Selena Gomez, reuniting with Selena Gomez, crying about not being nominated for Grammys, the list goes on. More
Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have reportedly reunited again even though they’ve supposedly been broken up since January. Ugh, kids these days. Always with the will-they-won’t-they and the off-and-on and the back-and-forth. It’s starting to feel like those directions they shout out at hoedowns in here, am I right? More
You’re right, Beliebers, I’m sorry — Justin Bieber is totally fine. I was really off base when I said he was beginning a downward spiral, and I should be ashamed of myself for taking journalistic liberties with the blatant truth I see in front of my eyeballs. But now I’m getting my comeuppance, because Justin did something totally normal — something that could never be interpreted as anything but rational, responsible, intelligent adult behavior: he stripped down at the airport. More
Today is a day when no matter what you do for a living, my job is better than yours, because I just spend the last half hour creating ten new mustache looks for Justin Bieber in Microsoft Paint. (Uh yeah, that’s right — Paint. I’m super tech-savvy. I can teach you how to use it someday if you bring your own floppy disc and time machine back to 1999.) More
