- 494 days ago by Jamie Peck
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Jersey Shore Field Notes are a detailed account of MTV’s hit show. As written by an anthropologist. More
Topic: Vinny Guadagnino
- 501 days ago by Meghan Keane
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Jersey Shore Field Notes are a detailed account of MTV’s hit show. As written by an anthropologist.
0:00 – Our specimens are returning to their homeland of Jersey. Their stores of muscles, laundry and tanning are severely depleted due mostly to a misunderstanding of the metric system.
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• Kris Humprhies and Vinny have a boys night out. (Celeb Dirty Laundry)
• Taylor Swift wants ex Jake Gyllenhaal back. (Have U Heard)
• DeAnna Pappas and Stephen Stagliano tie the knot. (Hollywood Hiccups)
• Jeremy Renner on the set of Bourne Legacy. (Lainey Gossip)
• Dr. Conrad Murray cries in court. (Celeb Dirty Laundry)
• Justin Timberlake and Ryan Gosling stole together. (Have U Heard)
•
- 578 days ago by Liana Maeby
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(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Out specimens are about to leave Italy, and so this is the last we will see of them for a while. Presumably, they will hibernate like wild animals do in the winter.
0:30 – We see our specimen The Situation, who’s not wearing pants and talking about how he’s not wearing pants.
- 579 days ago by Liana Maeby
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Jersey Shore guido extraordinaire Vinny Guadagnino dropped by The Wendy Williams Show yesterday, and Wendy totes wanted to know all the gossip! Specifically, she wanted to know if Vinny had an orgasm during his sexual encounter with Snooki. More
- 585 days ago by Liana Maeby
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(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Many of our specimens are sick, which is not surprising, because a diet of limoncello, vodka and tears is not particularly great for the immune system.
3:00 – Deena expresses her desire to copulate with Pauly. She does this in the very subtle and sophisticated manner of saying, “I want to fuck you.”
4:00 – Snooki and JWOWW crawl into bed, sick. The other specimens leave for the club. More
- 592 days ago by Liana Maeby
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(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Snooki crawls out of Vinny’s bed at an early hour and rubs her eyes. “What’s that light stuff peeking through the windows?” she wonders. It is daylight which means that Snooki is awake before dusk for the first time in her life. (Diagnosis: Snooki is not a vampire.)
1:30 – Snooki realizes its 7:30 AM. She wakes JWOWW to tell her how early in the morning it is. More
(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Our specimens emerge hungover for the 11th time this week. Deena, Pauly and Ronnie head to the pizzeria for a day of work.
1:00 – Snooki wakes in her pink leopard-print (endangered species) dress from the night before and tries to track down her mate, Jionni, who abandoned her in a fit of rage.
2:00 – Snooki wants to talk to JWOWW, but JWOWW’s asleep. (Diagnosis: adaptive defense mechanism.) So Snooki puts on her furry boots (soon-to-be-extinct species, hopefully) and heads out alone. More
- 606 days ago by Liana Maeby
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(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – We see our specimen Snooki in the aftermath of her car accident. The cops have arrived quickly because the cops were in the car she hit.
0:30 – The cops give Snooki a breathalyzer test. She passes. (Analysis: Her alcohol level was so high it broke the breathalyzer and reset it to zero.)
1:00 – The cops drag Snooki into their van. She reads herself her own version of the Miranda Rights, which goes: “This sucks.” More
What We're Reading:
-
Stars That Have Been Caught Posing Naked
Source: YourTango -
Bruce Jenner Demands Divorce After Kris Jenner Caught Nude With Old Lover
Source: Celeb Dirty Laundry -
Celeb Says Horrible Things About Farrah Abraham - Then Gets Attacked For It
Source: The Stir -
Kourtney Kardashian's Ex Claims He Is Mason's Father And Demands Paternity Test
Source: Celeb Dirty Laundry -
Proof That The End Is Near For Rob Pattinson And Kristen Stewart
Source: The Stir
- 613 days ago by Liana Maeby
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(By and anthropologist)
1:00 – Our specimens JWOWW, Ronnie and Snooki walk to work. They talk about Snooki’s made, Jionni, whom no one likes because he has terrible pheromones.
1:30 – The women arrive at work. Snooki says she doesn’t feel like working. So she decides to not work at work.
2:00 – Ronnie yells at women with a bullhorn.
3:00 – Marco, the pizzeria boss, gives the group a 15 minute break so they can go shopping for their weekend trip to the beach. They shop for 11 hours.
More
(By an anthropologist.)
0:00 – Our specimen The Situation wakes up on the couch of his luxury hovel — still in his neck brace — and whimpers for a while. He explains he’s learned a valuable lesson, and it’s that he probably shouldn’t ram his head into walls anymore. (Note: Send a congratulations to The Situation on his pre-school commencement.)
2:00 – Ronnie awakes and hulks his way into Sammi’s room. He tells her he loves her no matter what. They decide to talk later about maybe getting back together. (Diagnosis: Amnesia? Stupidity? Television producers?)
4:00 – The Situation calls his sister, The Melissa, and complains. He is sad and he wants to go home because having spent two days in a neck brace has ruined his entire The Life.
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- 631 days ago by Liana Maeby
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(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – We find our specimens exactly where we left them: Ronnie is pacing around in Hulk-mode, gearing up to attack The Situation; The Situation is getting pumped for a fight; Sammi is sobbing salty margarita tears.
1:00 – Faced with Ronnie the Steroid, The Situation tries to cram six month’s worth of fight training into 30 seconds.
2:00 – Situation slams his own head into the wall, presumably out of excitement. He slumps down. Stars float around his skull and the “Rocky” theme song plays, on kazoo.
5:00 – Sitch lies on the couch with a cold compress on his head. The girls are worried he may have injured his head and also possibly his brain. More
- 634 days ago by Liana Maeby
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(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – It’s another morning in the Italian villa of our human specimens, and they crawl from their darkened bedrooms on all fours. Brittany, Situation’s blonde twin, emerges to try and track down her partner in hair dye and DNA.
0:30 – Brittany finds Erica asleep in Vinny’s bed. Erica doesn’t want to get up. Apropos of nothing, the twins both insist that they’re their own individual people who don’t need to do everything together. Instantly, they have ruined their appeal.
2:00 – Our specimens engage in exposition for those at home who missed last week’s episode. Vinny tells the tale of how Deena entered their bedroom to find Erica in his bed, mid pre-copulation ritual, and stole her away to her own bed like a Visigoth after too many chalices of mead. More
- 641 days ago by Liana Maeby
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(By an anthropologist)
0:30 – The Situation emerges from his cavelike bedroom dragging a blonde woman behind him. He calls Brittany a cab and lies down on a daybed.
1:00 – A pigeon appears. It startles Sitch and he falls off the bed. It’s basically a Hitchcock film.
2:00 – Snooki and Ronnie are bonding because they both like to work out and drink alcohol. They decide to go to the gym. They are 100% compatible on eHarmony.
3:00 – Snooki and Ronnie get hopelessly lost on the streets of Florence. Neither can read a map. They are 100% compatible on JDate. More
