Topic: TV Recap

Jersey Shore Field Notes: The Situation Vs. A Wall

Jersey Shore Field Notes: The Situation Vs. A Wall

(By an anthropologist)

0:00 – We find our specimens exactly where we left them: Ronnie is pacing around in Hulk-mode, gearing up to attack The Situation; The Situation is getting pumped for a fight; Sammi is sobbing salty margarita tears.

1:00 – Faced with Ronnie the Steroid, The Situation tries to cram six month’s worth of fight training into 30 seconds.

2:00 – Situation slams his own head into the wall, presumably out of excitement. He slumps down. Stars float around his skull and the “Rocky” theme song plays, on kazoo.

5:00 – Sitch lies on the couch with a cold compress on his head. The girls are worried he may have injured his head and also possibly his brain. More »

‘Jersey Shore’ Field Notes: Return to the Club

'Jersey Shore' Field Notes: Return to the Club

00:00 – The specimens emerge inside their natural habitat, another shitty club with loud music and neon drinks that probably cost as much as a glass of decent scotch at a normal bar, anyway.

2:00 – Deena and Pauly engage in a sophisticated mating ritual. They kiss and Deena bites Pauly’s lip to signify that she’s hungry and would like to eat his face if no food presents itself soon. Deena tells Pauly that they should go back to the house to “hook-up” (normal human vocabulary for “smoosh”), to which Pauly responds, “I know, right?”

2:30 – Our humans engage in an extremely elaborate discussion of whether or not Deena and Pauly should engage in intercourse. Snooki and Pauly talk aboutit: Snooki thinks they should copulate because Deena has always wanted to do that with Pauly. Pauly says they probably will have intercourse, but is concerned that Deena might have feelings for him. (Note: Might these creatures have feelings? Put an intern on it.) More »

Gleek Of The Week: ChristmasGlee!

Gleek Of The Week: ChristmasGlee!

Now before we start getting all dewy-eyed and reindeer-nosed about this week’s heartwarming episode, I would like to point out several fundamental flaws in our New Directions attitudes toward the Yuletide in this very special episode of Glee. Then on to our (pretty obvious) Gleek of Week. More »