Topic: True Blood season 3

True Blood 3×9: Blah Blah Vampire Emergency Blah

True Blood 3x9: Blah Blah Vampire Emergency Blah

Before we begin, let me apologize: the final 10 minutes of last week‘s episode didn’t record (on my imaginary television), so I missed the important development of King Russell declaring Vampire War on a local news channel. I hope this image macro will make it up to you!

Luckily, this main plot development of Russell committing vampire terrorism (which is a little more topical than were-business, but just barely) will only lightly be discussed this week, as we focus on a hundred new things. For instance: Sookie is part fairy, descending from a clan of fairy rapists! Lafayette is part Shaman, descended from a tribe of whatever. Suddenly his whole weird doll collection makes more sense? Lafayette’s boyfriend Jesus is also part Shaman, but Mexican, and also his evil sorcerer uncle is out to get him. Crystal can turn into a jaguar, but it’s still unclear if she’s a shape-shifter or what, because her redneck daddy seemed to be pretty adamant about hating shape-shifting Sam before Sam went psycho on his face. Holly is a Wiccan who peddles pot and can make babies disappear, but Sam doesn’t want any religion in his bar, which is giving perhaps an unnecessary amount of credit to Wiccans. Jesus (not the Mexican), did I miss anything? Oh yeah, vampire real estate paperwork. Big part of this episode. More »

True Blood 3×08: Eric Finally Changes His Sweater

True Blood 3x08: Eric Finally Changes His Sweater

Man, how hard have we been waiting for this episode? All this vampire politics, the were-business, the Nazi references…and yet somehow so far the third season of True Blood has felt like it’s been treading the waters of exposition before it could finally get to the (bloody) heart of the matter.

But this week was the real deal; when every cog set in motion by the proceeding events started the True Blood machine rumbling forward. This was the week that Eric finally changed out of his robin blue sweater. I know, things just got real. More »

True Blood 3×5: Tara Can’t Eat Flowers

True Blood 3x5: Tara Can't Eat Flowers

Full disclosure: I was distracted this week while watching True Blood. I started powering my way through Lost as soon as the series ended, and finally got finished it. So sorry if I can’t focus on your ridiculous show about vampires and werewolves and shape-shifter politics, Mr. Alan Ball; I’m still processing the much more realistic conceit of a smoke monster on the magical island. But if I had to take a stab ( True Blugh) at it, this is what I came up with for this week’s episode: More »

True Blood 3×4: The Best Writing On Television

True Blood 3x4: The Best Writing On Television

“We just f*cked like only two vampires can,” Bill tells Sookie within a minute of the opener for this highly anticipated episode of True Blood. We’ve waited a whole two weeks to get back to this show (booo, 4th of July!), only to find that things are pretty much the same in Bon Temps/Mississippi, except the writers of our favorite vampire program have apparently been replaced by the dudes who wrote the script for Deadwood. “Shut the f*ck up!” exclaims our heroine over the phone, talking to her vampire boyfriend who just decided to call her after screwing his maker (and turning her head 160 degrees!). Welcome to the best show on earth, folks! More »