Toddlers And Tiaras returns tonight, which is a relief because I finally identified what exactly what was missing from my life, and it was screaming girlchildren all made up and standing in a row. There’s something about the timbre of a baby beauty queen’s voice that I just can’t get anywhere else; it’s the perfect combination of shrill and demanding, with just the tiniest dusting of Pixi Stick powder sprinkled over the top. More
Topic: Toddlers and Tiaras
Winning child beauty pageants is hard. In the midst of increasingly fierce competition, parents turn to expensive outfits, caffeinated beverages, and even human breast milk to gain that extra edge. More
And the Honey Boo Boo-fication of Toddlers and Tiaras continues!
On this week’s episode of TLC’s documentary masterpiece (airing tomorrow at 9/8c), viewers will be introduced to a charming young lady named Jordan who is, as she says, “a tomboy on the inside and a pageant girl on the outside.” And TLC has been kind enough to furnish a preview clip. More
You think you did it up this holiday season? Well take a look at the Christmas decorations on Honey Boo Boo‘s house and you’ll be singing a different tune. More
As if Toddlers and Tiaras couldn’t get worse, this mom won’t let her 3-year old daughter Selena go outside because she doesn’t want her to get tan. More
The most interesting thing on Toddlers and Tiaras has always been the way the pageant moms project their own failed dreams onto children who are barely old enough to walk. The most messed up thing is what this can do to kids who aren’t well-suited (and/or ready) for the pageant lifestyle. Both of those things come together in this preview video from the upcoming season, which hints that it will be the darkest one yet. More
If you think Honey Boo Boo Child‘s life is depressing now, just wait until she’s a 31-year-old hooker on the Sunset Strip living in a car with Mama. More
It is every bit as redneck-diculous as we thought it would be. More
I’m real happy for you, Emmy nominations, and I’ma let you finish, but these people are on some of the best shows of all time. OF ALL TIME. More
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The Man With The 200lb Tumor is airing tonight on TLC, and I just have one question — what have we let TLC do to us? Let’s turn to a transcript of a TLC board meeting in which they discuss their upcoming season of shows to try to get our answer. And you have top security clearance, but obviously, some of these shows will never make it on the air, so we appreciate your discretion. More
Will one Funny Or Die video be enough to convince us that Ashley Tisdale can match Anna Faris‘ comedic chops in the Scary Movie franchise? More
No joke, Honey Boo Boo Child‘s TLC reality show will be about her picking up roadkill for family cookouts. As long as there’s Go-Go Juice to go with it! More
I always assume psychology students watch Toddlers & Tiaras with visions of dancing dollars signs in their head. The show’s a rare sociological opportunity to see future teen moms before they’re even out of their own diapers. More
Apparently in 2012, Toddlers and Tiaras has boy-crazies as well as girl-crazies on it. And this particular crazy, Traven, is possessed by a “creepy devil”. His words, not mine. More