Topic: The Situation

Crush Links: Bradley Cooper Sexiest Man Alive

Crush Links: Bradley Cooper Sexiest Man Alive

‘The Situation‘ is suing Abercrombie and Fitch. (Celeb Dirty Laundry)

Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner have called off their wedding. (Have U Heard)

Kristen Stewart sees Robert Pattinson as good dad material. (The Stir)

Bradley Cooper the sexiest man alive? (Celeb Dirty Laundry)

• What do you think of Lady Gaga’s fascinator? (Celebuzz)

Justin Bieber paternity lawsuit dropped. (Have U Heard)

• Will Chuck Bass stop the wedding on Gossip Girl? (Lainey Gossip)

Video: There’s Already A Preview Of The Next Season Of Jersey Shore

Video: There's Already A Preview Of The Next Season Of Jersey Shore

Oh my god, the last season of Jersey Shore just ended last night and there’s already a preview for the next season. MTV, you didn’t even give us time to breath and also shower! So, what can we expect from this next season in Seaside? From the looks of this clip: Pauly will get a sunburn, Deena will say “do sex” a whole bunch of times again, Snooki will get into it with her boyfriend Jionni and everyone will drink a whole bunch. More »

Jersey Shore Field Notes: Ciao, Italia

Jersey Shore Field Notes: Ciao, Italia


(By an anthropologist)

0:00 – Out specimens are about to leave Italy, and so this is the last we will see of them for a while. Presumably, they will hibernate like wild animals do in the winter.

0:30 – We see our specimen The Situation, who’s not wearing pants and talking about how he’s not wearing pants.

More »

Jersey Shore Field Notes: Nobody Likes The Situation

Jersey Shore Field Notes: Nobody Likes The Situation

(By an anthropologist)

0:00 – Many of our specimens are sick, which is not surprising, because a diet of limoncello, vodka and tears is not particularly great for the immune system.

3:00 – Deena expresses her desire to copulate with Pauly. She does this in the very subtle and sophisticated manner of saying, “I want to fuck you.”

4:00 – Snooki and JWOWW crawl into bed, sick. The other specimens leave for the club. More »

Jersey Shore Field Notes: The Motherland

Jersey Shore Field Notes: The Motherland

(By an anthropologist)

0:00 – Snooki crawls out of Vinny’s bed at an early hour and rubs her eyes. “What’s that light stuff peeking through the windows?” she wonders. It is daylight which means that Snooki is awake before dusk for the first time in her life. (Diagnosis: Snooki is not a vampire.)

1:30 – Snooki realizes its 7:30 AM. She wakes JWOWW to tell her how early in the morning it is. More »

Jersey Shore Field Notes: Jionni Is In The Building

Jersey Shore Field Notes: Jionni Is In The Building

(By an anthropologist)

0:00 – We see our specimen Snooki in the aftermath of her car accident. The cops have arrived quickly because the cops were in the car she hit.

0:30 – The cops give Snooki a breathalyzer test. She passes. (Analysis: Her alcohol level was so high it broke the breathalyzer and reset it to zero.)

1:00 – The cops drag Snooki into their van. She reads herself her own version of the Miranda Rights, which goes: “This sucks.” More »

Jersey Shore Field Notes: Those Guidos on TV

Jersey Shore Field Notes: Those Guidos on TV

(By an anthropologist.)

0:00 – Our specimen The Situation wakes up on the couch of his luxury hovel — still in his neck brace — and whimpers for a while. He explains he’s learned a valuable lesson, and it’s that he probably shouldn’t ram his head into walls anymore. (Note: Send a congratulations to The Situation on his pre-school commencement.)

2:00 – Ronnie awakes and hulks his way into Sammi’s room. He tells her he loves her no matter what. They decide to talk later about maybe getting back together. (Diagnosis: Amnesia? Stupidity? Television producers?)

4:00 – The Situation calls his sister, The Melissa, and complains. He is sad and he wants to go home because having spent two days in a neck brace has ruined his entire The Life.
More »

Jersey Shore Field Notes: The Situation Vs. A Wall

Jersey Shore Field Notes: The Situation Vs. A Wall

(By an anthropologist)

0:00 – We find our specimens exactly where we left them: Ronnie is pacing around in Hulk-mode, gearing up to attack The Situation; The Situation is getting pumped for a fight; Sammi is sobbing salty margarita tears.

1:00 – Faced with Ronnie the Steroid, The Situation tries to cram six month’s worth of fight training into 30 seconds.

2:00 – Situation slams his own head into the wall, presumably out of excitement. He slumps down. Stars float around his skull and the “Rocky” theme song plays, on kazoo.

5:00 – Sitch lies on the couch with a cold compress on his head. The girls are worried he may have injured his head and also possibly his brain. More »