Welcome back to the media, Nate Hartsock, bad boy brother of Desiree Hartsock! I’ve missed you terribly in the many months since you helped Sean Lowe decide to eliminate Des on the last season of The Bachelor, and the slightly less many months since you appeared on the storied ninth season of The Bachelorette to half-heartedly attempt to whip up some ratings. Do you have any inappropriate gossip for us? You do?? Great. More
Topic: The Bachelorette
Dear ABC, or whoever airs this fascinating experiment in the increasingly desperate search for love: I propose a change in formula. I propose that I be the next Bachelorette. I can give you ten very excellent reasons why my season would haul the ratings out of the gutter that dear Desiree has sunken them into. Trust me, its science.* More
Well folks, we have a contender for the most embarrassing video to admit you watched today. And it’s Previously TV’s The Bachelorette with Farts. More
Ladies, there is a new Bachelor in town and his name is Juan Pablo Galavis. Here’s what I know about Juan Pablo, based on GIFs alone. More
Okay, so last night on The Bachelorette finale part one was pretty intense, even for a cynic like me. They’ve been teasing all season that someone was gonna leave the show and break Desiree Hartsock‘s heart, but I always assumed that it was a ratings ploy and that both people would be in on it. After last night’s episode, though, I’m pretty sure that Des was caught completely off-guard. More
The Bachelorette is airing part one of its two-part finale tonight, so what better time than the present to recast Desiree’s sixteen top suitors as their celebrity doppelgängers? More
Last night on The Bachelorette was the Men Tell All episode. On the one hand, it means we have to listen to two hours of these guys trying to vie for enough screen time to be the next Bachelor, but on the other hand, it means we’re one week closer to being done with Desiree Hartsock and her increasingly cloying behaviors and references to this whole thing being ‘a fairytale’. It’s the little things. More
So I wanted to find a way to honor of these always-awkward trips home on The Bachelorette where peoples’ parents give them their blessings to marry total strangers, and the buzz-phrase of the day is “I’ve never felt this way before”. And what better way to celebrate all this wrong-ness being thrown at Desiree Hartsock than by making a list of why these particular guys should never ever be brought home to meet your parents? More
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Alright you guys. We’re in the home stretch for The Bachelorette, so this drawn out facade of Desiree Hartsock and her fairytale come true is finally drawing to an end. Last night’s episode was the last one before hometowns, so there’s hope for our Monday nights, yet! More
Look guys, it’s me! I’m back again, and this week my disillusionment has spread from The Bachelorette, to reality television, to love itself. This is what you’re doing to me with your fairytale chatter week after week, Desiree Hartsock. I hope you’re proud of yourself. Last night Des had one job — send James home. Should she do it? Yes. Will she do it? That’s anyone’s guess.
Welcome to another week on The Bachelorette, where you’re guaranteed to get your weekly? monthly? yearly? quota of fairy-tale references filled in a mere two hours of contrived fake dating! Hurray! We’re in Munich this week, and Desiree Hartsock has never been to Europe before, so prepare for many wide-eyed gazes and breathy gasps. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride. More
You guys are welcome, because I watched The Bachelorette again last night so you wouldn’t have to and yes, it is still getting worse with every episode! Thank you for asking! There are thirteen guys left now, and this week they left Los Angeles for Atlantic City in their first stop around the world. Because if you’re only gonna be seeing the girl you’re dating for three hours a week, you might as well be doing it in an exotic locale, no? More
Let’s all give a big hip hip hooray for Desiree Hartsock, who’s really been pouring it out for her homies who couldn’t be here lately on The Bachelorette. I should mention that in this case the things that she’s been pouring out have been the ratings, and the homies who couldn’t be here are the viewers. Just to be clear. More