Topic: Romancing The Bone

Romancing The Bone: What To Do If You’re In Love With Your Gay Friend

Romancing The Bone: What To Do If You're In Love With Your Gay Friend

You know the story. A girl is friends with a guy she really likes. They get along so well, and love the same things: B-horror movies, unlikely animal friendships (that tortoise and that hippo!) and, of course, other men. That’s right: sometimes the man of a woman’s dreams is also seeking the man of his. So what should a girl go when she finds herself completely in love her gay friend? Well, luckily for y’all I have approximately 18 years of advice to help with this exactly subject! More »

Romancing The Bone: What To Do When You’re (Always) Probably Pregnant

Romancing The Bone: What To Do When You're (Always) Probably Pregnant

Any woman with access to a TV and an active imagination has had at least one fever dream about the show I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant. If they haven’t, let me correct that oversight: the show is about women…who didn’t know they were pregnant…until a baby started to come out of them. While there are certainly women who could potentially overlook a nine month pregnancy (apparently enough to make an entire series about it), I’ve found that the opposite is much more likely: women who think they’re pregnant All. The. Time. I was one of those women for the first, oh, three years after becoming sexually active; in addition to talking about it non-stop, my like-minded friends and I actually started a blog named Probably Pregnant to deal with our constant anxiety about our potentially baby-making wombs. This article is for those ladies who live in perpetual certainty that their nausea must be morning sickness or their light period is merely a disguise for implantation bleeding (do not Google that phrase), and with some tips on how to deal. More »

Romancing the Bone: To Snoop or Not To Snoop?

Romancing the Bone: To Snoop or Not To Snoop?

We’ve all been there. It’s pretty early in the relationship. Our boyfriend or girlfriend has an early class and leaves us blissfully sleeping in their room…until we sit bolt upright, realizing the treasure trove of information lurking in their waiting laptop, their old diaries, and their internet browsing history. It’s in times like these where a woman must ask herself: To snoop, or not to snoop: that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer/ The slings and arrows of outrageous snoopage,/Or to take arms against a sea of suspected secrets,/ And by opposing end a relationship? More »

Romancing The Bone: A Pro-Bush Agenda For 2011!

Romancing The Bone: A Pro-Bush Agenda For 2011!

I’ve got pubes on the brain recently (though hopefully not literally; they’d probably name the condition after me), due to a disheartening recent trip to buy razors. Have you ever compared the price of razors/waxing to actual food or amenities, because damn. Venus has got us by the collective lady balls here, people! If my attitude towards the subject isn’t readily apparently from my hearty endorsement of hippie shit like period sex, et al, then let me hype the comfort and soothing texture of an intact muff. If we could all walk around pantless with our giant bush hanging out for all the world to see, well, it would be a sight for sore eyes as far as I’m concerned. Also, we would be very, very cold. More »

Romancing The Bone: The Single Girls’ Guide To Valentine’s Day

Romancing The Bone: The Single Girls' Guide To Valentineâs Day

So today is Valentine’s Day today (as we’ve been constantly reminded since January 2). If a girl is boyfriend-less on this most sacred of days, pop culture offers her few options. She can either 1) drink a bottle of pink Andre and weep into a heart-shaped box of chocolates alone in her room or 2) do the above activities with her equally single girlfriends after getting dressed up and spending an emotionally devastating night at a sports bar.

SCREW THAT NOISE. Valentine’s Day doesn’t own us; we own it. Just because a women hasn’t chained her genitals to one person for the foreseeable future doesn’t mean she should be dragged through the emotional dirt every time she sees a commercial for those heart-shaped Dunkin’ Donuts (which are so cute, right?). So for every woman who finds herself single today, here are some tips on how to survive VD with your mind, and your tear ducts, intact: More »

Romancing The Bone: Your Girlfriends Are Cock Blocking You

Romancing The Bone: Your Girlfriends Are Cock Blocking You

In the world of young females, it is a truth almost universally acknowledged that female friends typically tend to be 1) the bomb and 2) the people a girl spends 95% of her time with. However, when it comes to meeting guys, sometimes a lady’s friends can act as an obstacle to enticing males with you personal brand of effortless mojo. In fact, even friends of the highest caliber can accidentally cock-block your game. So in short, if a woman wants to get a date, she should dump all their friends.

I’m kidding! I’m kidding times one billion. I do, however, suggest that girls need to step away from the comfort of their funny, awesome friends to really make it in the word of dating. How might she do that? Why, I am so glad you asked.
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Romancing The Bone: How To Plan For Period Sex. Period.

Romancing The Bone: How To Plan For Period Sex. Period.

As if sex wasn’t already physically and mentally complicated enough, here’s another twist: once a month women find themselves dealing with cramps, fatigue and, most annoyingly, a steady flow of super-stain-causing liquid flowing out of us like the mighty Mississippi. Seriously, we might as well have blueberry juice coming out of there, based on how many pairs of pajama pants I’ve had to toss out.

The great mystery of our lady times, however, is that while some of us can’t wait to curl up under a pile of Motrin bottles and Almond Joy wrappers and sleep for one thousand years during that time, some ladies hit their peek horniness while riding on the cotton pony. Which begs the question: is sexing on your period worth it? The answer comes down to a girl’s willingness to put in a little elbow grease and pre-sex prep…or how badly she wants to get it on.

However, just because we’ve all ruined untold pairs of cute undies that we just got at Target, that does not mean we have to ruin a night of hot boning with worries about our periods. To that end, were are some thoughts for any girl planning a night of passion and romance — and stain-free sheets. More »

Romancing The Bone: Oops. I Farted.

Romancing The Bone: Oops. I Farted.

This column frequently deals with the embarrassing moments that arise in our collective, fumbling journey towards Sexy Times. What, really, could be more humiliating then farting during sex? Well, except for pooping during sex, which hopefully is not a huge problem for our readers. (If it is, girl, leave it in the comments!)

But at some point in her life, almost every woman will find herself having an awesome time with a man or woman she likes very much in bed. Without warning, from beneath the comforter, she will issue a depth charge of intense auditory and/or olfactory power, and there is no way to pretend that it was just the mattress springs squeaking, or a garbage barge floating nearby. That girl will pray for death, but death will not come. What will come instead, I hope, is the understanding that, to paraphrase the children’s book, everybody farts, especially during sex. More »

Romancing The Bone: No Really, Blowjobs Are Sex

Romancing The Bone: No Really, Blowjobs Are Sex

As girls begin to explore the boner-filled wonderland that is Human Sexuality, they will eventually run into a discrepancy between our society’s definition of what constitutes sex and the large variety of activities people watch on RedTube with the sound off. That is to say, many people do not consider oral sex to be “real” or “actual” sex. Not me though! As a result of this pervasive idea, many young women (and men) might invest in a pair of quality knee-pads, but would never dream of counting a mouth-lover as a full sexual partner. And that’s an idea I take umbrage with! More »

Romancing The Bone: Out With The Old Bone, In With The New

Romancing The Bone: Out With The Old Bone, In With The New

It’s officially 2011, lady-pantses. And with it comes 12 brand-spanking-new months to fill with deep romantic connection, unknown sexual ecstasy, or a Cathy tear-away day calendar that really picks up the highlights in your cats’ pelt! In my honest opinion, girls should let their own balls drop in 2011, and here to stave off that last vestige of end-of-vacation-panic are my helpful New Year resolutions. So stick them on the mini-fridge for reference as I offer guidance to aid you through the next year of dating and boning. Or through the next two weeks, whichever seems more doable. More »

Romancing the Bone: Tis The Season…To Break Up With Your Boyfriend

Romancing the Bone: Tis The Seasonâ¦To Break Up With Your Boyfriend

It’s that time of year again! The season of lights, family and 6-hour-naps in the middle of the day. Yes, winter break also gives the greatest gift of all, free time, and with those spare hours many girls’ minds turn to one of life’s most enduring questions: should I last minute break-up with my boyfriend before Christmas, or let him down easy after we get back to school? To which I say, ‘tis the season! More »

Romancing The Bone: How To Announce Your V-Card

Romancing The Bone: How To Announce Your V-Card

It’s painful, it’s awkward, and lots of ladies are doing it every day: telling someone they’re dating that they’re still a virgin. Whether they’re waiting for marriage or just waiting until class gets out, laying the v-card on the table can feel downright humiliating, even though we know it shouldn’t. With that awkwardness in mind, here are some suggestions from me for how girls can let potential sex friends know what’s up with their downstairs.

1) Tell Them While Vertical (TTWM) More »