Last night’s second episode of Revenge continued to teach me some important life lessons. I learned more about the importance of background checks, the value in choosing a good godmother, and was given some great advice on what to look for in a rehab facility. I am also so thankful that there’s finally a show on television I can turn to for paternity test results that isn’t Maury. More
This week of blind auditions on The Voice was not as strong as week one. There was nobody I absolutely loved and got excited about. Obviously the coaches don’t feel the same way as me because they were picking up artist after artist for their teams. More
At the beginning of the season, I never would have believed this day would come, where I would actually begin to respect and appreciate Emily Maynard, but here it is, only four weeks in to The Bachelorette, and I’ve fallen in like with her. More
After last week’s explosive tea party (yep, that’s a thing I just typed!), Monday night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills felt pretty mellow. Oh, there was still drama and domestic abuse allegations, but the women opted for talking behind each other’s backs over heated confrontations. Progress! Here’s a look at “The Great Divide” dramatically reenacted by Barbies.
Guys, two things bring me joy every week: watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and playing with my Barbies. Unfortunately, Monday night’s episode was more stressful than it was fun—as much as I love drama, I can’t really handle Taylor’s crumbling marriage or the implications that she was being badly abused. I mean, I made it through the episode, duh, but I don’t think I can bring myself to reenact it with Barbie dolls. Gross, since when do I have a conscience?
I do want to talk about this, though, because I have a lot of feelings, and what is the internet for if not for sharing them? More
Monday night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was downright chilling—I guess Halloween was a two-parter, like on that excellent FX reality series American Horror Story. Because, seriously, a séance? A plastic surgery party? Lisa channeling Allison DuBois? I’m still afraid to turn off the lights. Here’s a look at “Your Face or Mine” dramatically reenacted by Barbies. More
Every once in a while, America’s Next Top Model is so batshit, I have very little to say about it. What can I add to an episode in which the contestants were forced to make “viral” videos? (I put “viral” in quotes, because they didn’t actually make viral videos. Relatedly, Tyra Banks doesn’t know what “viral” means.) The entire conceit was absurd, and I love how this was presented as a reasonable challenge and not something insane Tyra cooked up while smoking the finest “pot ledom.” More
Monday night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills showed the ladies getting pampered in true Beverly Hills fashion. It also showed them fighting like hell beasts, which is what we’re really tuning in to see, right? The Kyle-Kim-Brandi saga seems to be settling down, but we could just be in the eye of the storm. Here’s a look at “The Opposite of Relaxation” dramatically reenacted by Barbies. More
Monday night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills continued the horrifying game night showdown. Will Brandi ever forgive Kyle and Kim? Will Kyle and Kim ever forgive each other? Will Camille continue to fade into the background as we put all of our energy into other people’s drama? I don’t know. I’m not God/Andy Cohen. Here’s a look at “Game Night Gone Wild” dramatically reenacted by Barbies. More
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(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Many of our specimens are sick, which is not surprising, because a diet of limoncello, vodka and tears is not particularly great for the immune system.
3:00 – Deena expresses her desire to copulate with Pauly. She does this in the very subtle and sophisticated manner of saying, “I want to fuck you.”
4:00 – Snooki and JWOWW crawl into bed, sick. The other specimens leave for the club. More
CHUCK KEPT THE DOG!! Sorry, I probably shouldn’t lead with the emotional climax of this week’s episode, but it’s possible this moment changes Gossip Girl forever. More on that later.
The pot keeps bubbling in episode five. Dan decides to take credit for the embarrassing novel he’s been trying to kill, Blair reveals Louis to be her child’s father, Charlie finds a way to stay in the city, and Elizabeth Hurley may be the greatest threat to Gossip Girl since net neutrality. Now for the details: More
(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Snooki crawls out of Vinny’s bed at an early hour and rubs her eyes. “What’s that light stuff peeking through the windows?” she wonders. It is daylight which means that Snooki is awake before dusk for the first time in her life. (Diagnosis: Snooki is not a vampire.)
1:30 – Snooki realizes its 7:30 AM. She wakes JWOWW to tell her how early in the morning it is. More
Monday night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills showcased “recurring” housewives Brandi and Dana. But there were plenty of zingers from our regulars, especially when it came to Dana’s absurd opulence and Kelsey Grammer’s penis. Here’s a look at “$25,000 Sunglasses?!” dramatically reenacted by Barbies. More
(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Our specimens emerge hungover for the 11th time this week. Deena, Pauly and Ronnie head to the pizzeria for a day of work.
1:00 – Snooki wakes in her pink leopard-print (endangered species) dress from the night before and tries to track down her mate, Jionni, who abandoned her in a fit of rage.
2:00 – Snooki wants to talk to JWOWW, but JWOWW’s asleep. (Diagnosis: adaptive defense mechanism.) So Snooki puts on her furry boots (soon-to-be-extinct species, hopefully) and heads out alone. More