Topic: Lifetime movies

Lifetime’s Flowers In The Attic Was An Even Hotter Mess Than You Thought It Would Be

Lifetime's Flowers In The Attic Was An Even Hotter Mess Than You Thought It Would Be

The costumes looked good. Sorry, I just wanted to get my only positive comment about this movie out of the way right off the bat to save Lifetime the energy of reading my whole review if they decide to borrow a quote for one of their promos. It probably won’t come as a surprise that Flowers in the Attic — or, as it should have been called, WTF: The Movie — was a disaster of incestuous proportions. More »

Blindsided Fulfills Lifetime’s New Year’s Resolution To Show More Movies About Blind Ladies

Blindsided Fulfills Lifetime's New Year's Resolution To Show More Movies About Blind Ladies

Not only is the title a play on the fact that it’s about a blind person, but it’s also a foolproof technique to get people mindlessly searching the channel guide on a Saturday night to think they’re about to watch The Blind Side and then decide to watch this movie anyway because there’s nothing else on. I see you, Lifetime. Unlike your heroine, I am not blind. More »

Lifetime’s Christmas In The City Teaches The Meaning Of Christmas, Which We Somehow Keep Forgetting

Lifetime's Christmas In The City Teaches The Meaning Of Christmas, Which We Somehow Keep Forgetting

It made me realize how many times we as humans forget the meaning of Christmas. I’m not being schmaltzy. I really want to know why we can’t retain that information in our minds after we’ve seen five hundred movies explaining it to us. Is it like high school math? As soon as we take the test it seeps out of our brains and we have to learn it all over again next year? More »

Lifetime Movie Kristin’s Christmas Past Reminds Us That Teenagers Are The Worst

Lifetime Movie Kristin's Christmas Past Reminds Us That Teenagers Are The Worst

Kristin’s Christmas Past had just the right dose of cynicism for me, but of course this was a Lifetime movie so it was still covered in cheese and fake snow. Above all, it served as a helpful reminder that teenagers are the absolute worst, and you should do whatever you can to avoid time traveling back to that time. Because you will hate yourself. Also time travel is painfully confusing. More »

Lifetime’s The Twelve Trees Of Christmas Proves Christmas Trees Are Rich People’s Kryptonite

Lifetime's The Twelve Trees Of Christmas Proves Christmas Trees Are Rich People's Kryptonite

After last week’s non-Christmasy Christmas movie A Country Christmas Story, I think Lifetime was maybe overcompensating a little with their new movie The Twelve Trees of Christmas. Its plot was eerily similar to a stress dream I once had when I binged on an entire box of candy canes and fell asleep with You’ve Got Mail on in the background. More »

Lifetime’s A Country Christmas Story Is The Least Christmasy Christmas Movie Of All Time

Lifetime's A Country Christmas Story Is The Least Christmasy Christmas Movie Of All Time

Call me crazy (a five film), but when the word “Christmas” is in a movie’s title, that movie should probably be about Christmas, right? Apparently I’m wrong, because this week’s Lifetime movie A Country Christmas Story mostly took place during times of the year not flavored with peppermint, and the parts of the movie that were set during the holidays didn’t really depend on it. More »

7 Careers For Men That Lifetime Movies Can’t Get Enough Of

7 Careers For Men That Lifetime Movies Canât Get Enough Of

A couple of months ago I gave you a list of women’s careers Lifetime movies couldn’t get enough of. At the time I wasn’t really considering all the various men’s careers that these films constantly refer to. That was before I watched Sins of the Preacher and The Preacher’s Mistress within two months of each other and realized how much Lifetime has against preachers. So I thought about all the other jobs Lifetime guys have. More »

Lifetime Continues To Make Spinsterhood Look Really Appealing In The Husband She Met Online

Lifetime Continues To Make Spinsterhood Look Really Appealing In The Husband She Met Online

Lifetime is like your paranoid aunt who’s always forwarding you articles she read about how dangerous the Internet is. That’s why I was surprised that their newest movie The Husband She Met Online pretty much abandoned the “online” theme after the first fifteen minutes and then just made it a cautionary tale about never ever trusting men. Ever. More »