7 Of The Bachelor‘s Unintentional Funniest Moments
The More Bradley Cooper Defends Living With His Mom, The More I Want To Be Their 3rd Roommate
Seth MacFarlane Will Not Host The 2014 Oscars, But He Has An Interesting Suggestion
This New Jennifer Lawrence Interview Will Remind You Why She Gives The Best Interviews
Beyonce’s New Single Is Already Stuck In My Head, And I Want It Stuck In Yours Too
Will Smith Is My New Favorite Hot Mess, Impromptu Rapping And All
Last night, JWOWW and Snooki made an appearance on What What Happens Live, which might as well be renamed Andy Cohen’s Nightly Shitshow. Being that it was Groundhog Day and being that it involved cast members of The Jersey Shore, the show was extra ridiculous. The girls touched on their upcoming Jersey Shore spin-off and then moved onto more exciting topics like how Snooki got her UTI. More
I’ve got some bad news for fans of The Jersey Shore’s most entertaining cast members. The city of Hoboken has rejected a film permit for Snooki and JWoww‘s Jersey Shore spinoff, Don’t Stop Now, You’re Almost To New York. Seriously, Why Would You Want To Live In Hoboken? More
Jenni Farley‘s got a new line of bikinis called, appropriately enough, JWOWW by Perfect Tan. And with their lace trim and lack of straps, these suits totally look like lingerie! Although I suppose they’re for lying on the beach and tanning for days on end and not for any kind of actual swimming. More
Oh my god, the last season of Jersey Shore just ended last night and there’s already a preview for the next season. MTV, you didn’t even give us time to breath and also shower! So, what can we expect from this next season in Seaside? From the looks of this clip: Pauly will get a sunburn, Deena will say “do sex” a whole bunch of times again, Snooki will get into it with her boyfriend Jionni and everyone will drink a whole bunch. More
(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Out specimens are about to leave Italy, and so this is the last we will see of them for a while. Presumably, they will hibernate like wild animals do in the winter.
0:30 – We see our specimen The Situation, who’s not wearing pants and talking about how he’s not wearing pants.
I don’t know if you guys have those awful SVEDKA vodka ads in your town, but every time I walk past one I groan out loud. The jokes are just so bad! It’s “voted the best vodka of 2033,” so of course there’s a female robot posing with copy like Make your next trophy wife 100% titanium.
Now if that’s not embarrassing enough, New York City Halloween store Ricky’s has decided to release a SVEDKA_GRL costume—and Jersey Shore‘s JWOWW is modeling it. More
(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Many of our specimens are sick, which is not surprising, because a diet of limoncello, vodka and tears is not particularly great for the immune system.
3:00 – Deena expresses her desire to copulate with Pauly. She does this in the very subtle and sophisticated manner of saying, “I want to fuck you.”
4:00 – Snooki and JWOWW crawl into bed, sick. The other specimens leave for the club. More
(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Snooki crawls out of Vinny’s bed at an early hour and rubs her eyes. “What’s that light stuff peeking through the windows?” she wonders. It is daylight which means that Snooki is awake before dusk for the first time in her life. (Diagnosis: Snooki is not a vampire.)
1:30 – Snooki realizes its 7:30 AM. She wakes JWOWW to tell her how early in the morning it is. More
(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Our specimens emerge hungover for the 11th time this week. Deena, Pauly and Ronnie head to the pizzeria for a day of work.
1:00 – Snooki wakes in her pink leopard-print (endangered species) dress from the night before and tries to track down her mate, Jionni, who abandoned her in a fit of rage.
2:00 – Snooki wants to talk to JWOWW, but JWOWW’s asleep. (Diagnosis: adaptive defense mechanism.) So Snooki puts on her furry boots (soon-to-be-extinct species, hopefully) and heads out alone. More
Kourtney Kardashian's Ex Claims He Is Mason's Father And Demands Paternity Test
Bruce Jenner Demands Divorce After Kris Jenner Caught Nude With Old Lover
Celeb Says Horrible Things About Farrah Abraham - Then Gets Attacked For It
Proof That The End Is Near For Rob Pattinson And Kristen Stewart
Stars That Have Been Caught Posing Naked
(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – We see our specimen Snooki in the aftermath of her car accident. The cops have arrived quickly because the cops were in the car she hit.
0:30 – The cops give Snooki a breathalyzer test. She passes. (Analysis: Her alcohol level was so high it broke the breathalyzer and reset it to zero.)
1:00 – The cops drag Snooki into their van. She reads herself her own version of the Miranda Rights, which goes: “This sucks.” More
(By and anthropologist)
1:00 – Our specimens JWOWW, Ronnie and Snooki walk to work. They talk about Snooki’s made, Jionni, whom no one likes because he has terrible pheromones.
1:30 – The women arrive at work. Snooki says she doesn’t feel like working. So she decides to not work at work.
2:00 – Ronnie yells at women with a bullhorn.
3:00 – Marco, the pizzeria boss, gives the group a 15 minute break so they can go shopping for their weekend trip to the beach. They shop for 11 hours.
More
Snooki will not be slut-shamed by anyone, not even a man of God. I knew there was a reason I liked this lil’ noodle. More
(By an anthropologist.)
0:00 – Our specimen The Situation wakes up on the couch of his luxury hovel — still in his neck brace — and whimpers for a while. He explains he’s learned a valuable lesson, and it’s that he probably shouldn’t ram his head into walls anymore. (Note: Send a congratulations to The Situation on his pre-school commencement.)
2:00 – Ronnie awakes and hulks his way into Sammi’s room. He tells her he loves her no matter what. They decide to talk later about maybe getting back together. (Diagnosis: Amnesia? Stupidity? Television producers?)
4:00 – The Situation calls his sister, The Melissa, and complains. He is sad and he wants to go home because having spent two days in a neck brace has ruined his entire The Life.
More
(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – We find our specimens exactly where we left them: Ronnie is pacing around in Hulk-mode, gearing up to attack The Situation; The Situation is getting pumped for a fight; Sammi is sobbing salty margarita tears.
1:00 – Faced with Ronnie the Steroid, The Situation tries to cram six month’s worth of fight training into 30 seconds.
2:00 – Situation slams his own head into the wall, presumably out of excitement. He slumps down. Stars float around his skull and the “Rocky” theme song plays, on kazoo.
5:00 – Sitch lies on the couch with a cold compress on his head. The girls are worried he may have injured his head and also possibly his brain. More
