Topic: justin bieber

‘Justin Bieber Abandons His Monkey’ Is Not Something I Expected To Write Today

'Justin Bieber Abandons His Monkey' Is Not Something I Expected To Write Today

As of right now, Justin Bieber has until midnight tonight to reclaim his monkey Mally, or else she becomes the responsibility of German authorities. Yes, because that’s the best way to make an impression on an irresponsible tiny millionaire — “Either you take care of this monkey or we’re gonna take care of it for you so you don’t have to worry about it anymore!” More »

The Official Cinco De Mayo Celebrity Drunk-O-Meter

The Official Cinco De Mayo Celebrity Drunk-O-Meter

It’s Cinco de Thirdo today, you guys! Aka the last workday before Cinco de Mayo, the traditional American holiday of drinking Coronas and annoying the waitstaff of your favorite neighborhood Mexican restaurant! So with only two more days until that fateful morning (and only three more until that fateful hangover), it’s time to start planning your drankin’ schedule, and that can be a hard thing to finagle. More »

Justin Bieber Spends One Night With Selena Gomez And Forgets He Owns A Monkey

Justin Bieber Spends One Night With Selena Gomez And Forgets He Owns A Monkey

“I don’t know,” the singer allegedly told a friend who told a source who faxed an insidier who paged me, “it’s like, remember Furbies. At first they were like so much fun. Then they were like so hungry and so annoying. Well monkeys are like that, except you can’t take their batteries out. So yeah, if you know anyone who wants a monkey, hit me up.” More »