Guys, if you ever want to have a wedding of your own that’s aesthetically satisfying to you, don’t watch the video of Jessica Simpson‘s wedding. Just don’t do it, because it will forever raise the bar to impossible heights. Trust me. More
Jessica Simpson finally married Eric Johnson this past Saturday after having fifteen children with him out of wedlock. Wait, what’s that? They only have two? How is that possible when she so clearly doesn’t know what birth control is? More
I know you woke up this morning before your alarm went off in a cold sweat, heart racing, worried that you would never in your lifetime get to watch a video of Jessica Simpson hobbling drunkenly into and out of a nightclub. But I’m happy to inform you that there’s nothing to worry about, because TMZ has answered your hopes and dreams and prayers by releasing that exact video. More
Jessica Simpson might not fully understand how pregnancy works and what you can do to prevent it, but thank the gods of beautiful babies she had these two, because they are simply too adorable to handle. More
Unlike useless, non-famous babies who can only do things like poop, giggle, and ruin a plane flight, celebrity babies can actually net their parents profit. More
Have you ever seen a baby with such chubby cheeks that you, as a result, thought that you were gonna die? More
We can all agree that Photoshopping has gotten a little out of hand lately, right? Celebrities on magazine covers and in advertisements are very often completely unrecognizable, not only as themselves but simply as humans. More
If you’re experiencing any kind of late afternoon slump, Jessica Simpson and I are here to bring you a little pick-me-up in the form of her adorable daughter Maxwell Drew. She did the ‘giving birth’ part, but I took responsibility for collecting the Instagrams. More
Oh, celebrities. They’re so predictable. If they’re not saying “My job really isn’t as glamorous as it seems” or “We’re not dating, we’re just really good friends,” they’re trying to convince us that running around after your children gives you the body of a Victoria’s Secret model. More
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I hope you’re in the mood to have “I Kissed a Girl” stuck in your head for the rest of the day. That’s what ends up happening to me every time I read about girls kissing each other. You might want to change the lyric to “I kissed three girls,” though, because that’s what Jessica Simpson did this weekend. More
Jessica Simpson only joined Instagram about two weeks ago, but already her adorable photos of her daughter, Maxwell and her son, Ace, are proving extremely dangerous to my ovaries. More
A lot of couples got engaged in 2013, and a lot of other couples just continued their neverending engagements through the year. While it’s not totally clear if all of these couples will tie the knot in 2014 (or ever — sorry to be Debbie Downer), I think we can all agree they probably should. I mean, they’re not getting any younger or anything. More
Today is the day you realize there are babies out there who you can reasonably be taking style cues from. Yes, babies. More
Happy birthday to John Mayer, who turns thirty-six today! Which is sooo crazy, because he doesn’t talk like he’s a day over fifteen! Zing. Maybe you guys have forgotten, because Katy Perry is a really great babysitter and keeps John mostly out of the media (and generously supplied with juice boxes), but he was really on a douchebaggery tear for a while there. More