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Even though Snooki‘s son Lorenzo is only three months old, she’s already to pop out a second one. Even worse, the baby fever has spread to JWow because she says Snooki ‘makes it look easy’. Oh boy. What an excellent reason to procreate, ladies. More
I never thought I’d say this, but I learned a lot from those Jersey Shore guidos and their terrible decisions. More
In this last season of Jersey Shore where so many cast members disappointed me by pulling it together, Paula Pickard stood out like the shining, hot-mess star that she is. Nut cake and all. More
When I’m right I’m right, and when I’m wrong I’m really wrong. And I was really wrong about Paula Pickard from Jersey Shore. Crazy wrong. More
Eight simple rules for hosting a Jersey Shore-style Shore Shower that even Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi could be proud of. (Hint: don’t forget to invite your former smush-buddies.) More
Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino dumped his girlfriend Paula Pickard last night on Jersey Shore, and I have never been more baffled by a break up. More
Jenni Farley‘s got a new line of bikinis called, appropriately enough, JWOWW by Perfect Tan. And with their lace trim and lack of straps, these suits totally look like lingerie! Although I suppose they’re for lying on the beach and tanning for days on end and not for any kind of actual swimming. More
Oh my god, the last season of Jersey Shore just ended last night and there’s already a preview for the next season. MTV, you didn’t even give us time to breath and also shower! So, what can we expect from this next season in Seaside? From the looks of this clip: Pauly will get a sunburn, Deena will say “do sex” a whole bunch of times again, Snooki will get into it with her boyfriend Jionni and everyone will drink a whole bunch. More
(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Out specimens are about to leave Italy, and so this is the last we will see of them for a while. Presumably, they will hibernate like wild animals do in the winter.
0:30 – We see our specimen The Situation, who’s not wearing pants and talking about how he’s not wearing pants.
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(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Many of our specimens are sick, which is not surprising, because a diet of limoncello, vodka and tears is not particularly great for the immune system.
3:00 – Deena expresses her desire to copulate with Pauly. She does this in the very subtle and sophisticated manner of saying, “I want to fuck you.â€
4:00 – Snooki and JWOWW crawl into bed, sick. The other specimens leave for the club. More
(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Snooki crawls out of Vinny’s bed at an early hour and rubs her eyes. “What’s that light stuff peeking through the windows?” she wonders. It is daylight which means that Snooki is awake before dusk for the first time in her life. (Diagnosis: Snooki is not a vampire.)
1:30 – Snooki realizes its 7:30 AM. She wakes JWOWW to tell her how early in the morning it is. More
(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – Our specimens emerge hungover for the 11th time this week. Deena, Pauly and Ronnie head to the pizzeria for a day of work.
1:00 – Snooki wakes in her pink leopard-print (endangered species) dress from the night before and tries to track down her mate, Jionni, who abandoned her in a fit of rage.
2:00 – Snooki wants to talk to JWOWW, but JWOWW’s asleep. (Diagnosis: adaptive defense mechanism.) So Snooki puts on her furry boots (soon-to-be-extinct species, hopefully) and heads out alone. More
(By an anthropologist)
0:00 – We see our specimen Snooki in the aftermath of her car accident. The cops have arrived quickly because the cops were in the car she hit.
0:30 – The cops give Snooki a breathalyzer test. She passes. (Analysis: Her alcohol level was so high it broke the breathalyzer and reset it to zero.)
1:00 – The cops drag Snooki into their van. She reads herself her own version of the Miranda Rights, which goes: “This sucks.” More
(By and anthropologist)
1:00 – Our specimens JWOWW, Ronnie and Snooki walk to work. They talk about Snooki’s made, Jionni, whom no one likes because he has terrible pheromones.
1:30 – The women arrive at work. Snooki says she doesn’t feel like working. So she decides to not work at work.
2:00 – Ronnie yells at women with a bullhorn.
3:00 – Marco, the pizzeria boss, gives the group a 15 minute break so they can go shopping for their weekend trip to the beach. They shop for 11 hours.
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