Last weekend, I was lucky enough to board the Bruise Cruise Festival, which was a non-stop fun tornado that brought together nine rock bands and 400 eager young vacationers on a giant Bahamas-bound cruise ship in what one straitlaced observer dubbed a “bikini hipster convention.”
The weekend culminated in a wonderfully incongruous performance by garage rock heroes The Black Lips at smelly spring break chain bar Señor Frog’s (as seen on Girls Gone Wild). But it wasn’t all strawberry daiquiris in take-home souvenir cups and creative towel animals. Some revelers fell victim to hidden pitfalls like crippling sunburns, depressing waterslide failures, and drunken tourists who bring their kids to the bar and try to fight you if you smoke too close to them. Despite these minor bugaboos, though, the festival should come back even stronger next year, so it’s with this in mind that I present you with some important dos and don’ts of partying on international waters. More
• GQ names Scarlett Johansson Sexiest Babe of the Year, while husband Ryan Reynold‘s nabs People‘s Sexiest Man of the Year award. Who the hell are their publicists? (Nerve)
• Beyonce‘s latest perfume ad was considered to sundry to air during the day on UK television. Wait, it was dirtier than Hollyoaks?? (Celebuzz)
• Jamie Peck‘s Sex and Bedbugs article has made the Internet very angry. (Tumblr)
• 10 stupid things that guys do that makes us not want to sleep with you. Although for some reason, “compliments” are on this list. (The Frisky) More
Wow. 30-something women sure do spend a lot of money on dating. According to Doree Shafrir’s “case study” on Bundle.com, an average Carrie Bradshaw type spends $5,648 on just one year of husband hunting before she even leaves her fancy house. When I first saw this, I was all, “OMG. That lady spent $562 beautifying a part of her body no straight man without a foot fetish even glances at? Balderdash! And who are these ‘urban professional’ people in their ‘thirties’ who ‘take taxis’ all willy-nilly like they are made of diamonds?”
But then I thought about it some more, and realized us pinwheel-eyed girls in our 20s burn mad scratch in pursuit of love and dick, too. It’s just that instead of burning it on cabs and “snacks for entertaining,” we burn it following some next-level sexual trends our parents haven’t even heard of yet. So here you have it: a typical dating year for an NYC (but probably Brooklyn) dwelling female in her early-to-mid 20s who goes on approximately one date* every two weeks, and who may or may not resemble anyone I know. It’s slightly cheaper than the amount of cash 30-something females spend on dating. But you’ll make up for that in bruised self-esteem, don’t worry. More
Early this week, I was invited to cover a “private party” thrown by Seventeen Magazine to celebrate its October issue. Ashley Tisdale and Aly Michalka — some Disney actresses my little cousin likes — would be there promoting a new CW show called Hellcats, in which they play sexy, sassy cheerleaders. I’m always down to throw back a few with teen idols and milk them for quotes, so I emailed Crushable, “Sure, sounds like weird fun.”
Then I realized the party was at 1pm, in the Seventeen offices, and there would be children there. A booze-less photo op. This was to be more weird than fun, but interesting nonetheless. More
From Tiki Barber‘s girlfriend Traci Johnson writing her 1st hand account for us to The Situation joining Dancing with the Stars and looking to make $5 million next year, we had a pretty ridiculous week. Please, won’t you take a look back with us?
• Guest of a Guest and Crushable team up to bring your our 3rd installment of TV Moments Reenacted by Party Guests.
• Vampire real estate tax laws and fairies on True Blood.
• The Situation is out to make $5 million next year, and that’s even before we knew he was Dancing with the Stars.