Topic: e!

Bridalplasty Recap: Let Them Spit Out Cake

Bridalplasty Recap: Let Them Spit Out Cake

This week’s episode of SyFy’s* Bridalplasty is all about synching up the brides’ neurons so that that they’re always right about unimportant matters like wine and crab meat, but never right about important matters like niceness and which words are actually part of the English language. First up, hosty Shanna Moakler takes the gals to visit the showroom of a man named Patrick Hanson, whose claim to fame is that he’s LA’s premiere cake designer and also that his veins pump fondant instead of blood. Here, the women taste the difference between a Hanson’s cake and a regular cake, which is so offensive to the brides’ palates that they gag on the tiny morsels and drool all over their little plastic faces. Sugarhigh, the girls talk about their dream wedding cakes in very bubbly voices. Melissa, for example, wants a cake that contains edible pearls and also Zoloft. More »

Bridalplasty Recap: Introduction Of The Brides

Bridalplasty Recap: Introduction Of The Brides

Last night was the premiere of Bridalplasty, which as far as we can tell, is a new show on SyFy about an evil corporation that kidnaps innocent women and turns them into bionic RealDolls before selling them into a lifetime of domestic slavery. It comes on before Kendra, a show about anthropomorphic bunnies.

The episode begins with a one-by-one introduction of the women, and we see flashbacks of the brides in their homes back before they were tossed into body bags and transported to the E! Headquarters. (“E” stands for evil and exclamation point stands for period.) One woman’s name is Jenessa, meaning she’s princess of a distant moon in a far away galaxy. Another, Alexandra, used to star on The Biggest Loser, which is a History Channel show about the financial depression. Lisa Marie is already half-plastic, and because of that she’s the most vulnerable bride of all. More »