It was a happy holidays from our friends at OfAKind.com Monday evening, who sneaked into our offices like Santa Claus and delivered gifts of tiny booze cans. We love booze! Especially booze that looks like soda, which we learned that time we went to London and had too much White Lightning. Luckily, Sofia Effervescent Wine is a tad bit classier than that. But not by much. More
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, we were not able to procure any Whipped Lightning for this trial, since we don’t live in New Jersey and are too lazy to take the path train. But our desire for a 18% proof alcoholic dessert topping will not be quenched until we guzzle an entire can of “whipahol.” (Though we might wait to the holidays so we can do whippets with our cousins after Christmas dinner.) More
Oh celebrity children, when will you learn that your hijinks will be dutifully recorded the moment you put your crazy nights up on Facebook? The latest problem child would be Bobbi Kirstina, the 17-year-old daughter of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown, who is apparently as fond of both Four Loko as she is of other women. More
When you’re in college, the legal consumption of alcohol is either a new privilege you’re thrilled about or a rite of passage you can’t wait to happen. As a result, alcohol is a great novelty to the late teen/early teen mind, ain’t it! While the average twenty-year-old Joe might once have settled for a bottle of chilled mediocre vodka mixed with cheap cranberry juice, today’s young imbibers want something more: we want our alcohol to be novel. Whether it comes in the form of dessert or through an eyeball, oucor peers are finding stupider and stupider ways to ingest booze! We have to stop them. More
And here we thoughts whippits went out of style after high school graduation. But there’s a product that’s got parents worried about dessert toppings again: alcoholic whipped cream.
Companies like Cream and White Lightning are selling canisters filled with 30 proof cream. Which naturally has parents and concerned citizens worried about alcohol poisoning. And us worried about one thing: Where do we get some?
Come on. It’s called White Lightning? These people are just pandering to the Four Loko/Bros Icing Bros crowd. And it will probably work. More
Thanksgiving is fast approaching. And unless you have been gifted with an abnormally sane family (or have decided to abstain from the family visit part of the holiday), chances are you are anticipating the occasion with at least a slight amount of dread. Well, do not fear. Crushable is here to help you navigate the terrain of awkward familial interactions.
Here’s the first and most important tip. Repeat it as though it is your mantra: Vodka is your friend. More
Four Loko, your days are numbered: Here in New York City, the demonically energetic malt liquor beverage has just one month left to peer menacingly from bodega shelves before it’s evicted forever. And I can’t say I’m upset by this news, because I was wronged by the drink. Betrayed by one of those camo-colored tallboys. That’s right, Four Loko, with all its promise of fun-filled and enlightened party going, screwed me over me in a truly horrific manner that I will recount as a warning to you all.
Cut to: Me at 2 a.m., on a street corner of Manhattan’s Lower East Side, hunched over a trash can and vomiting a four-hour-old plate of barbacoa tacos (with everything) into a trash can. Sure, a few beers entered my system that night, and there was a red plastic cup filled to the brim with WIld Turkey, but I blame the Four Loko. Because I am a fully grown and reasonably responsible human who has been around the block once or twice inebriating-substance-wise — and that shit messed me up in unprecedented ways. More
Oh man, British colloquialisms are so great. According to the BBC, a study from the journal Substance Abuse, Treatment, Prevention and Policy found that children who dislike school tend to drink more and have sex more. What makes the study so great? English grammar:
“The study of 3,641 11 to 14-year-olds by a team at Liverpool’s John Moores University suggests those drinking once a week are 10 times more likely to have full sex.”
No partial sex for these bad students! More
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The best thing going on on the Internet right now: Researchers from the National Institute of Drug Abuse are answering high schoolers questions on a public chat board. It’s really informative actually, but reminds us exactly how stupid and ill-informed we were about drugs back in high school. Also, it’s hysterical, watching people with PhDs in drug research try to answer questions that you’d usually find on Yahoo message boards. Our favorite questions and answers below: More
Four Loko is the color of glow sticks. You likely didn’t know this, since you’ve been drinking the magical elixir from a can. Or, more likely, you haven’t manned up and downed a serving of the stuff.
The mainstream media coverage of Four Loko has generated a lot of hype, as well as the ceaseless circulation of meaningless terms like “blackout in a can” and “liquid cocaine.” I’d take a guess and say that most of the anchors reporting on the drink haven’t themselves experienced the can-induced blackout. So for the sake of journalism, I’ve taken the plunge. More
We here at Crushable go to a lot of parties, some of them fun, some of them awkward, but most of them involving free food and booze. I’ve written in the past about spending 6 broke-ass months as a freelance blogger, where my only means of sustenance most nights were those tiny little trays of hot dogs and chicken satay. In fact, my version of heaven involves an open bar and thousands of hot caterers walking around with bat-mitzvah food. More
Hey parents, have you heard that your kids are drinking caffeinated alcoholic malt beverages again? This time its coming in the form of Four Loko, and sweeping campuses across the nation after being created by three Oho college students. It’s either delicious or disgusting, depending on which over-stimulated teen you ask, but it’s also very dangerous. Or at least, so says the attorney state general of Washington, after nine students were hospitalized after drinking the beverage. Though technically, it is not a date-rape drug, so that’s good. More
When racy, dildo-filled Holiday photos of ___ candidate Crystal Ball were uncovered by her opponent earlier this month, we hoped that people in public service positions would learn not to take photos of themselves goofing off, even if it was all in good fun. With the Internet these days, you never know!
And sadly today brings us another example: Florida deputy policewoman Lisa Latimer took some shots (no pun intended) of herself in her cruise car, getting high, drinking, and putting her gun in her mouth. More