Author Archives: Joshua Friesen

The 30-Year-Old Man’s Guide To Gossip Girl: Riding in Town Cars with Boys

The 30-Year-Old Man's Guide To Gossip Girl: Riding in Town Cars with Boys

Five consecutive party episodes. Five. Let’s revisit them in reverse chronological order: [deep breath] Charlie’s debutant ball, CeCe’s 70’s party, Blair’s bridal shower, Chuck’s At the Table of Macbeth benefit, and The Spectator’s launch party [exhale]. I get that these guys are the 1%, but they must do something other than party, right? The only thing bigger than Lilly’s decorating budget is Chuck’s scotch bill. More »

The 30-Year-Old Man’s Guide To Gossip Girl: Rhodes to Perdition

The 30-Year-Old Man's Guide To Gossip Girl: Rhodes to Perdition

Head Writer: “This script is killing me. We need to reveal Ivy’s true identity, but how the hell are we going to get the Rhodes family in one room?”

Writer #1: “We could kill off Dan. Then, you know, they’d all be at the funeral.”

Head Writer: [considering for a moment] “No, no, no. I mean, I hate Dan as much as anybody in this room, but he just started this new relationship with Alessandra. We gotta let that play out. They haven’t even had sex yet.” More »

The 30-Year-Old Man’s Guide To Gossip Girl: The Big Sleep No More

The 30-Year-Old Man's Guide To Gossip Girl: The Big Sleep No More

Judging by this episode’s title, I assume the black and white dream sequence that opens episode seven is a tribute to the classic Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall movie The Big Sleep. I can’t tell you that for sure because I’ve never seen the movie, but here’s what I do know: Bogart and Bacall had one of Hollywood’s great love affairs, and when we see Blair and Chuck (presumably) take those classic roles, it’s fitting and proof their story isn’t over yet. More »

The 30-Year-Old Man’s Guide To Gossip Girl: I Am Number 9

The 30-Year-Old Man's Guide To Gossip Girl: I Am Number 9

I’m going to take a break from the snark this week and focus on one of my chief complaints with Gossip Girl. This week’s episode saw what appeared to be the end of Serena’s career in the film industry and the end of Chuck’s self-interested pursuit of his psychiatrist, Dr. Barnes. Serena’s plotline lasted six episodes; Chuck’s lasted two. I know (better than most) that the Internet, cable TV, iPhones, et al have reduced this country’s attention span to that of a stray cat, and that must be catered to, but is it too much to ask to fully explore a plotline every so often? More »

The 30-Year-Old Man’s Guide To Gossip Girl: The Two Finger Rule

The 30-Year-Old Man's Guide To Gossip Girl: The Two Finger Rule

I wrote last week about my love of Gossip Girl episode titles and the respect I have for whoever thinks them up, but this week’s title has me stumped. “The Two Finger Rule”? Trusty Google gave me three possible answers:

a) A way to create a visual reference when lining up a pool shot.

b) Sound advice for preventing back injuries (If it’s too heavy to lift with two fingers on both hands, get help).

Or

c) In plastic surgery, the idea that pulling your face back with two fingers does not give a patient an accurate preview of a facelift’s results. More »

The 30-Year-Old Man’s Guide To Gossip Girl: Memoirs Of An Invisible Dan

The 30-Year-Old Man's Guide To Gossip Girl: Memoirs Of An Invisible Dan

Before we start with this week’s review, I’d like to take a moment to applaud the renegade visionary who titles these episodes. I know it’s probably a team effort, but I prefer to imagine a single crazed genius locked in the dark confines of some Hollywood back lot, sitting at a bare desk in an empty room, surrounded by scraps of paper filled with his abandoned ideas. He’s focused, eyes screwed shut, sweat gathering at his brow, thick glasses fogged with the escaping heat from his overtaxed brain. Finally, with his deadline looming, he captures that elusive muse, that inspiration, and he cries out, “Eureka!” More »

The 30-Year-Old Man’s Guide To Gossip Girl: The Jewel of Denial

The 30-Year-Old Man's Guide To Gossip Girl: The Jewel of Denial

CHUCK KEPT THE DOG!! Sorry, I probably shouldn’t lead with the emotional climax of this week’s episode, but it’s possible this moment changes Gossip Girl forever. More on that later.

The pot keeps bubbling in episode five. Dan decides to take credit for the embarrassing novel he’s been trying to kill, Blair reveals Louis to be her child’s father, Charlie finds a way to stay in the city, and Elizabeth Hurley may be the greatest threat to Gossip Girl since net neutrality. Now for the details: More »