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Bachelor Pad Superlatives: All The Things Blake Should Have Kept

Here were are, at the Bachelor Pad finale. ABC screwed us once again, by presenting us with 3 god-awful hours of television and I’m here to painstakingly keep track of every stupid comment, every time Kasey’s head got bright red, every time Jake gave us that phony smirk, every time they showed the zombie that lives inside Ella’s new face, and every time Michael pretended to be okay with Blake and Holly stomping on his heart on national TV. Bachelor Pad answers that age old question: What do you get when you put 18 people with really bland personalities in one house? Unfortunately, not a whole lot. More »

Bachelor Pad Superlatives: No Is No, Kasey!

The rules have changed, but the idiots are still the same. They’re now competing as couples, which means the stakes are a bit higher…and Erica and Kasey are much, much hornier. As in, they both needed to be told “no” on multiple occasions after unwanted sexual advances. Yikes! Thankfully, Blake continued to provide us with fodder and Erica really, really stepped it up to make this a week to remember. Here is my week 5 recap, superlatives style. More »

Bachelor Pad Superlatives: Time To Sleep Your Way To The Middle Everyone!

Unless you count the Blake-Michael mild feud over Holly as drama, the only thing keeping this show afloat this week was the possibility that Melissa might murder Blake on national television. ABC really has butchered this series, not sure if … More »

‘Bachelor Pad’ Superlatives: Welcome To Brett Michaels’ Tour Bus

It’s becoming abundantly clear to ABC that they don’t have much to work with in this house full of duds, so they are doing their best to script a few hilarious punchlines, show everyone in bathing suits and make sure … More »

‘Bachelor Pad’ Superlatives: This Is Not For America

Somehow, the producers at ABC managed to edit this week’s amazing Bachelor Pad narrative down to two hours. And the second episode did not disappoint…generally everyone on the show acted like vapid, self centered idiots. In our ideal universe, each week it would get shorter and the last week would just be 2 minutes of the remaining contestants being eaten alive by bears. But until we rule the universe, we’ll have to stick with making fun of the candidates (superlative style). More »

Crushable Presents: ‘Bachelor Pad 2′ Superlatives (AKA Welcome To STD Central)

Finally, the moment very few people have been waiting for: the 3 hour season premiere of Bachelor Pad. Shame on you ABC for making us stay up so late on a Monday. Considering that this show is basically an excuse for crazy people to act crazy while hooking up and breaking up with each other over and over again, we’re taking this opportunity to award superlatives for this season’s contestants. Enjoy! More »