What happens in Vegas stays in Vegasâ€”unless youâ€™re being followed by a camera crew at all times. On Monday nightâ€™s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, two mildly feuding groups of women headed to Sin City for live male dancers and indoor bowling. Oh, and Kim lost her shit again. Hereâ€™s a look at â€śA Book, a Bachelorette, and a Breakdownâ€ť dramatically reenacted by Barbies. More
Author Archives: Louis Peitzman
Hereâ€™s the thing about reality competitions: as much fun as they are most of the way through, they always kind of bore me by the end. Sometimes I donâ€™t even watch Top Model season finales. (I know. But I feel like this is a safe space.) Anyway, the finale of Top Modelâ€™s first All Stars cycle was reasonably entertaining, although the biggest twist happened off-screen. I mean, Tyra had Angelea killed, right? Just want to make sure weâ€™re all on the same page. But more on that in a bit. More
I was pretty tough on Glee last week, and I stand by that. Still, itâ€™s nice when I can just sit back and enjoy. Tuesday nightâ€™s episode was far less complex in terms of plot, but the song choices were a big improvement. (No questionable queer anthems here!) So letâ€™s talk about sectionals, and the Jackson family medley that earned New Directions the title. More
Last weekâ€™s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was so boring. (How boring was it?) It was so boring I couldnâ€™t think of a way to make it interesting with Barbie dolls. Also, I felt a little guilty talking about Adrienneâ€™s new shoe collection when all of my Barbies have lost their footwear. Anyway, Monday nightâ€™s episode was a big improvement, with yet another social event gone terribly wrong. Hereâ€™s a look at â€śMalibu Beach Party From Hellâ€ť dramatically reenacted by Barbies. More
In Wednesday nightâ€™s thrilling penultimate episode of Americaâ€™s Next Top Model All Stars, we learned what vengeful goddess Tyraâ€™s endgame really wasâ€”why she assembled these familiar faces and spirited them away to the enchanted island of Crete. If youâ€™d guessed it had something to do with filming a glorified commercial for her bestselling novel Modelland, youâ€™d be Tiresias, the blind soothsayer. But letâ€™s backtrack a bit. More
I really wanted to like Tuesday nightâ€™s episode of Glee: for me, Season 3 has represented a significant improvement in quality from the last. And a Santana-centric episode is cause for celebration, what with Naya Riveraâ€™s consistent awesomeness. But the song choices killed it for meâ€”not the performances so much as the music itself. On a series where characters express themselves through song, youâ€™ve got to be careful what message youâ€™re sending. More
After last weekâ€™s explosive tea party (yep, thatâ€™s a thing I just typed!), Monday nightâ€™s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills felt pretty mellow. Oh, there was still drama and domestic abuse allegations, but the women opted for talking behind each otherâ€™s backs over heated confrontations. Progress! Hereâ€™s a look at â€śThe Great Divideâ€ť dramatically reenacted by Barbies.
Dominique began Wednesday nightâ€™s episode of Top Model All Stars with, â€śItâ€™s an amazing feeling to get the best photo. Since my cycle, Iâ€™ve grown a lot.â€ť If only Dominique watched this showâ€“sheâ€™d have known she was guaranteeing herself an elimination. On the other hand, I really dug her positivity. It was a nice contrast to Angelea, who railed against Dominiqueâ€™s dullness. (Uh, she looks like a man. Whatâ€™s dull about that?) And Lisa, who noted, â€śMy biggest competition is Allison. She blinks and they freak out.â€ť Thatâ€™s because we know Allisonâ€™s blink is just a prelude to Allison opening her giant fucking eyes. I think itâ€™s normal to get excited. More
After last weekâ€™s shockingly awesome episode, this weekâ€™s Glee was bound to be a bit of a step down. Which is not to say that Tuesday nightâ€™s episode was bad: it was very middle-of-the-road Glee, and thus, way better than almost all of Season 2. When it came to the music, the song choices were pretty obvious, but the stellar performances made up for that. Seriously, you can do Adele every week if you keep doing it like that. Now letâ€™s dole out some grades. More
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Guys, two things bring me joy every week: watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and playing with my Barbies. Unfortunately, Monday nightâ€™s episode was more stressful than it was funâ€”as much as I love drama, I canâ€™t really handle Taylorâ€™s crumbling marriage or the implications that she was being badly abused. I mean, I made it through the episode, duh, but I donâ€™t think I can bring myself to reenact it with Barbie dolls. Gross, since when do I have a conscience?
I do want to talk about this, though, because I have a lot of feelings, and what is the internet for if not for sharing them? More
When an episode of Top Model begins with one of the contestants talking about how sheâ€™s never gotten best photo but how she takes comfort in all her adoring fans, you know sheâ€™s not long for this competition. And letâ€™s be real, Shannonâ€”your refusal to pose in underwear was never the noblest of causes. Changing lives, one fully-clothed photo at a time. But hey, Iâ€™m probably just bitter that I donâ€™t get thousands of emails from girls calling me a role model. I get a couple emails a week telling me Iâ€™m an asshole, though, so I kind of know how it feels? More
I loved Tuesday nightâ€™s episode of Glee. Let me repeat that: I loved Tuesday nightâ€™s episode of Glee. I canâ€™t remember the last time the show was consistent enough to delight me this much. And it wasnâ€™t just the music, though that was pretty great. (Hello, itâ€™s West Side Story.) Itâ€™s the way these characters finally felt like actual human beings. But before I get too gushy, letâ€™s break it down song by song. More
Monday nightâ€™s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was downright chillingâ€”I guess Halloween was a two-parter, like on that excellent FX reality series American Horror Story. Because, seriously, a sĂ©ance? A plastic surgery party? Lisa channeling Allison DuBois? Iâ€™m still afraid to turn off the lights. Hereâ€™s a look at â€śYour Face or Mineâ€ť dramatically reenacted by Barbies. More
Every once in a while, Americaâ€™s Next Top Model is so batshit, I have very little to say about it. What can I add to an episode in which the contestants were forced to make â€śviralâ€ť videos? (I put â€śviralâ€ť in quotes, because they didnâ€™t actually make viral videos. Relatedly, Tyra Banks doesnâ€™t know what â€śviralâ€ť means.) The entire conceit was absurd, and I love how this was presented as a reasonable challenge and not something insane Tyra cooked up while smoking the finest â€śpot ledom.â€ť More