Author Archives: Louis Peitzman

The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Barbie Recap: Watch What Happens In Vegas

The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Barbie Recap: Watch What Happens In Vegas

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas—unless you’re being followed by a camera crew at all times. On Monday night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, two mildly feuding groups of women headed to Sin City for live male dancers and indoor bowling. Oh, and Kim lost her shit again. Here’s a look at “A Book, a Bachelorette, and a Breakdown” dramatically reenacted by Barbies. More »

America’s Next Top Model All Stars Recap: A Winner Is Crowned, Sorta

America's Next Top Model All Stars Recap: A Winner Is Crowned, Sorta

Here’s the thing about reality competitions: as much fun as they are most of the way through, they always kind of bore me by the end. Sometimes I don’t even watch Top Model season finales. (I know. But I feel like this is a safe space.) Anyway, the finale of Top Model’s first All Stars cycle was reasonably entertaining, although the biggest twist happened off-screen. I mean, Tyra had Angelea killed, right? Just want to make sure we’re all on the same page. But more on that in a bit. More »

Glee Report Card: Jacksons And Sectionals

Glee Report Card: Jacksons And Sectionals

I was pretty tough on Glee last week, and I stand by that. Still, it’s nice when I can just sit back and enjoy. Tuesday night’s episode was far less complex in terms of plot, but the song choices were a big improvement. (No questionable queer anthems here!) So let’s talk about sectionals, and the Jackson family medley that earned New Directions the title. More »

The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Barbie Recap: Beach Party From Hell

The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Barbie Recap: Beach Party From Hell

Last week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was so boring. (How boring was it?) It was so boring I couldn’t think of a way to make it interesting with Barbie dolls. Also, I felt a little guilty talking about Adrienne’s new shoe collection when all of my Barbies have lost their footwear. Anyway, Monday night’s episode was a big improvement, with yet another social event gone terribly wrong. Here’s a look at “Malibu Beach Party From Hell” dramatically reenacted by Barbies. More »

America’s Next Top Model All Stars Recap: Thumb Sucker

America's Next Top Model All Stars Recap: Thumb Sucker

In Wednesday night’s thrilling penultimate episode of America’s Next Top Model All Stars, we learned what vengeful goddess Tyra’s endgame really was—why she assembled these familiar faces and spirited them away to the enchanted island of Crete. If you’d guessed it had something to do with filming a glorified commercial for her bestselling novel Modelland, you’d be Tiresias, the blind soothsayer. But let’s backtrack a bit. More »

Glee Report Card: She Kissed A Girl

Glee Report Card: She Kissed A Girl

I really wanted to like Tuesday night’s episode of Glee: for me, Season 3 has represented a significant improvement in quality from the last. And a Santana-centric episode is cause for celebration, what with Naya Rivera’s consistent awesomeness. But the song choices killed it for me—not the performances so much as the music itself. On a series where characters express themselves through song, you’ve got to be careful what message you’re sending. More »

The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Barbie Recap: Into The Great Divide

The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Barbie Recap: Into The Great Divide

After last week’s explosive tea party (yep, that’s a thing I just typed!), Monday night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills felt pretty mellow. Oh, there was still drama and domestic abuse allegations, but the women opted for talking behind each other’s backs over heated confrontations. Progress! Here’s a look at “The Great Divide” dramatically reenacted by Barbies.
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America’s Next Top Model All Stars Recap: The Crete Socialite

America's Next Top Model All Stars Recap: The Crete Socialite

Dominique began Wednesday night’s episode of Top Model All Stars with, “It’s an amazing feeling to get the best photo. Since my cycle, I’ve grown a lot.” If only Dominique watched this show–she’d have known she was guaranteeing herself an elimination. On the other hand, I really dug her positivity. It was a nice contrast to Angelea, who railed against Dominique’s dullness. (Uh, she looks like a man. What’s dull about that?) And Lisa, who noted, “My biggest competition is Allison. She blinks and they freak out.” That’s because we know Allison’s blink is just a prelude to Allison opening her giant fucking eyes. I think it’s normal to get excited. More »

Glee Report Card: Hot For Adele

Glee Report Card: Hot For Adele

After last week’s shockingly awesome episode, this week’s Glee was bound to be a bit of a step down. Which is not to say that Tuesday night’s episode was bad: it was very middle-of-the-road Glee, and thus, way better than almost all of Season 2. When it came to the music, the song choices were pretty obvious, but the stellar performances made up for that. Seriously, you can do Adele every week if you keep doing it like that. Now let’s dole out some grades. More »

The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Barbie Recap: When Things Are Too Real For Dolls

The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Barbie Recap: When Things Are Too Real For Dolls

Guys, two things bring me joy every week: watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and playing with my Barbies. Unfortunately, Monday night’s episode was more stressful than it was fun—as much as I love drama, I can’t really handle Taylor’s crumbling marriage or the implications that she was being badly abused. I mean, I made it through the episode, duh, but I don’t think I can bring myself to reenact it with Barbie dolls. Gross, since when do I have a conscience?

I do want to talk about this, though, because I have a lot of feelings, and what is the internet for if not for sharing them? More »

America’s Next Top Model All Stars Recap: Greek Salad Tragedy

America's Next Top Model All Stars Recap: Greek Salad Tragedy

When an episode of Top Model begins with one of the contestants talking about how she’s never gotten best photo but how she takes comfort in all her adoring fans, you know she’s not long for this competition. And let’s be real, Shannon—your refusal to pose in underwear was never the noblest of causes. Changing lives, one fully-clothed photo at a time. But hey, I’m probably just bitter that I don’t get thousands of emails from girls calling me a role model. I get a couple emails a week telling me I’m an asshole, though, so I kind of know how it feels? More »

Glee Report Card: The First Time

Glee Report Card: The First Time

I loved Tuesday night’s episode of Glee. Let me repeat that: I loved Tuesday night’s episode of Glee. I can’t remember the last time the show was consistent enough to delight me this much. And it wasn’t just the music, though that was pretty great. (Hello, it’s West Side Story.) It’s the way these characters finally felt like actual human beings. But before I get too gushy, let’s break it down song by song. More »

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Barbie Recap: The Plastic Surgery Party

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Barbie Recap: The Plastic Surgery Party

Monday night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was downright chilling—I guess Halloween was a two-parter, like on that excellent FX reality series American Horror Story. Because, seriously, a séance? A plastic surgery party? Lisa channeling Allison DuBois? I’m still afraid to turn off the lights. Here’s a look at “Your Face or Mine” dramatically reenacted by Barbies. More »

America’s Next Top Model All Stars Recap: Viral Videos

America's Next Top Model All Stars Recap: Viral Videos

Every once in a while, America’s Next Top Model is so batshit, I have very little to say about it. What can I add to an episode in which the contestants were forced to make “viral” videos? (I put “viral” in quotes, because they didn’t actually make viral videos. Relatedly, Tyra Banks doesn’t know what “viral” means.) The entire conceit was absurd, and I love how this was presented as a reasonable challenge and not something insane Tyra cooked up while smoking the finest “pot ledom.” More »