Author Archives: Laura Turner Garrison

Dostoevsky’s Russian Dolls: Ruski Business

Dostoevsky's Russian Dolls: Ruski Business

As I turned the channel to Lifetime’s Russian Dolls Thursday at 11:30 PM, the ghost of Dostoyevsky entered my body. As his designated spiritual medium, I transcribed his impressions of the show. These are his words.

Last night’s episodic entitled “Ruski Business” dealt not only with simple transactions of currency, but transactions of trust. Are decency and honor relics of simpler times gone or were they only ever constructions to begin with? More »

Can Jason Sudeikis Please Stop Saying Yes to Everything?

Can Jason Sudeikis Please Stop Saying Yes to Everything?

It could be argued 2011 has been a banner year for Jason Sudeikis in that he was literally everywhere. No sooner did the Hall Pass billboards come down, than the Horrible Bosses trailer started running on full rotation. I’m not necessarily complaining about seeing his handsome mug all over the subway, but after the dust of Horrible Bosses cleared, we’re still left with yet another Sudeikis vehicle premiering this weekend: A Good Old Fashioned Orgy. If the title doesn’t tip you off to its subject matter, allow the press release: More »

Your Spirit Animal: Robyn

Your Spirit Animal: Robyn

You don’t just dance like nobody’s watching, you dance like nobody’s watching while watching the love of your life kiss somebody else. But you don’t go home and cry about it, you keep dancing and then you go write a song about it.
Your record label drops you after 10 years of working together, so you create your own label and release an album twelve months later. It goes to number one in Sweden. Okay maybe this exact situation didn’t happen to you – but you know, something similar. More »

Giving Zooey Deschanel’s New Girl a Fair Shake

Giving Zooey Deschanel's New Girl a Fair Shake

Everybody take a knee, and listen up: Now I know you’re all a little tired of “quirky girl syndrome.” And when the queen bee of emotionally confused girl-women got herself a television show on FOX, you probably rolled your eyes faster than a pixie can weave a dreamcatcher from toothpicks and wishes. Yes, there are people out there who like her – those She & Him albums aren’t half bad! But for many, Zooey Deschanel is the yeast of cute female celebrities – natural, familiar and something you want to go away as quickly as possible.
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Recap: Dostoyevsky’s Russian Dolls

Recap: Dostoyevskyâs Russian Dolls

As I turned the channel to Lifetime’s Russian Dolls Thursday at 11:30 PM, the ghost of Dostoyevsky entered my body. As his designated spiritual medium, I transcribed his impressions of the show. These are his words.

In last night’s episode “Tough Russian Love,” woman and man alike must question the tactility of love – whether it is a commodity to be controlled or an emotional prison of created by humanity. What does it mean to obtain love, what does it mean to give love? Is the ultimate price of love the surrender of one’s freewill? All this, and women of the night with candelabras fixed atop their weary heads. More »

What We Think NBC’s Whitney Is About Based on the Publicity Photos

What We Think NBCâs Whitney Is About Based on the Publicity Photos

A few months ago I had barely even heard of Whitney Cummings, and now she has her own television show, made by and about her. First of all, since when did networks start naming shows after comedians again? I’m pretty sure when Seinfeld ended, everyone just sort of agreed “okay cool, no more eponyms.” And Louie doesn’t count here – it’s cable. So what the heck is Whitney, the program and the comedienne, about? Here’s what I think we can expect based on the publicity photos. More »

Spoiler Alert: 9 Movies with Shameless Last-Minute Deaths

Spoiler Alert: 9 Movies with Shameless Last-Minute Deaths

One Day, the Anne Hathaway/Jim Sturgess will-they-or-won’t-they think piece, hit theaters this weekend. While it made a respectable showing at the box office, it bombed with the critics. Besides looking like found footage from Reality Bites, I think the movie’s surprise sad ending might have been the real nail in the coffin (spoiler alert: pun intended).

Movies pulling the old one-two emotional punch at the end is nothing new, but sometimes a character dies and you’re less “Boohoo” than “WTF?” Or at first you’re like “Boohoo,” but then later you’re like “Wait, seriously WTF?” Usually it’s because a character’s death seems not only sudden, but also totally unearned. In an instant, a movie becomes a sucker punch. Shame on you, Hollywood. You lazy sadists, you. Here are nine moves that pull the last-minute death trick: More »

Camp Week: Is This the Most Uncomfortable Camping Sketch Ever Made?

Camp Week: Is This the Most Uncomfortable Camping Sketch Ever Made?

Contrary to what the Jack and Jill trailer would have you believe, I remember a time when Adam Sandler at least tried to create funny characters. Then again, which campers here remember SNL‘s “Canteen Boy,” the nature-fanatic assistant scoutmaster who displayed acute characteristics of Asperger’s syndrome? To refresh your memory, most Canteen Boy sketches revolved around Sandler’s character being teased by fellow scouts for being a slow idiot. Yikes, SNL. More »