Author Archives: Gail K

Am I Right Ladies? Advertising The End Of Marriage

Am I Right Ladies? Advertising The End Of Marriage

The votes are in, and once again I’m not one of People’s 50 Most Beautiful People. Maybe next year, amirightladies? I’M KIDDING. But seriously, next year? No, but actually seriously, the people have voted and Consumerist has tallied the votes for this year’s Worst Ad in America. Now usually the only time I talk about Consumerist is when I’m referencing myself. As in I’m a consumerist of junk food. Really I’m more of a ravenous-ist but who’s counting? I’m not (if we’re talking about calories). More »

Am I Right Ladies? Spanx, But No Spanx

Am I Right Ladies? Spanx, But No Spanx

Breathing is the worst, amirightladies? That’s why we have “body shapers,” to ensure that going out on the town means 70% the O2. I’m not saying oxygen makes you fat, but I’m not not saying it. Water isn’t the only natural element that causes bloat. After all, there’s an O in H2O. You do the math. Or the chemistry. More »

Am I Right Ladies? A Bündchen of BS

Am I Right Ladies? A Bündchen of BS

I always try to remind myself: Don’t blame the models, blame the advertisers. And even if this particular model stole Tom Brady away from his very pregnant girlfriend Bridget Moynahan, advertising probably had something to do with it, and we mustn’t blame her. I practice this mantra in therapy weekly, and I really think it’s starting to strengthen my body image perception and curb my emotional eating when watching television. But even my suspension of disbelief stops at Gisele Bündchen’s latest Brazilian lingerie ads. More »

Am I Right Ladies? Girls Are Stupid, They Should Throw Rocks at Themselves

Am I Right Ladies? Girls Are Stupid, They Should Throw Rocks at Themselves

I don’t need retail therapy; I need therapy because of retail, amirightladies? Judging by how their clothes fit me—or don’t fit me, if we’re parsing words here—I think I’m allergic to Forever 21. In the latest of a string of bad decisions that make up their business model, Forever Twenty One, Incorporated released a T-shirt with the words “Allergic to Algebra” screen-printed on it, presumably by the hands of female factory workers in China. Not exactly the “for us, by us” our sisters were fighting for. More »

Am I Right Ladies? Oh, Lancôme ON

Am I Right Ladies? Oh, Lancôme ON

Lancôme perfume has added another wide-eyed beauty to their cabinet, and another reason why we “normos” and “uggos” won’t be getting swept off our feet on a Paris street anytime soon. Aspirational? Try EXASPIRATIONAL, amirightladies?

Don’t get me wrong. My idea of true romance obviously includes lilting piano melodies, soft-focused lenses, diamonds, idling around old European cities and running over bridges for no apparent reason—but I don’t need a company like Lancôme rubbing the fantasy in my face. More »

Am I Right Ladies? Qoops, I Just Qreamed Myself

Am I Right Ladies? Qoops, I Just Qreamed Myself

Time to toss the rosé, girls—there’s a new pink drink in town, and she came to party. It’s called Qream, it comes in the femme-friendly flavors of Strawberry and Peach, and even though it’s a Créme liqueur, it’s 95% lactose-free and low-cal!! THE FUTURE IS NOW. It might seem a little strange that the name of this milky-looking alcohol ditches a more traditional “C” for the “Q,” but I say You Go Qirl—we’ve got enough C-words in this world already, amirightladies? More »

Am I Right Ladies? What the Douche?

Am I Right Ladies? What the Douche?

Ladies, I want to ask once and for all: What is the deal with douching? Because the only kind of cleaning item I need poking around down there is a broom to sweep away all the cobwebs. It’s been awhile, amirightladies? As far as I’m concerned, enough crap goes in and out of there, we don’t need a steady stream of antiseptics increasing the flow of traffic. This is coming from a lady who is happy to see any activity happening south of her border, and I say douching can ándale ándale its way outta here. More »

Am I Right Ladies? Have No Fear, It’s Lady Beer!

Am I Right Ladies? Have No Fear, Itâs Lady Beer!

We may have David Beckham right now, but British women still have all the luck. And by luck, I mean a new line of “female-friendly” beers. And by female-friendly beers, the makers surely must mean a line of yeasty alcoholic beverages that finally do not cause our stomachs to erupt over the tops of our jeans like Mt. Vesuvius. Because just like the citizens of Pompeii, my beer-gut seems to be frozen in time, amirightladies? More »

Am I Right Ladies? Fabiohhhhhhh Old Spice

Am I Right Ladies? Fabiohhhhhhh Old Spice

It appears that Isaiah Mustafa may no longer be the Old Spice guy. Sorry, joke’s over boys and girls, nothing to see here. Unless of course, you count miles and miles of pectoral muscles, framed with flowing, blonde locks. Because there’s plenty of that to go around now for your viewing pleasure.

That’s right, there’s a new man your man could smell like in town and that man is none other than Fabio. This partnership makes more than sense, it makes a whole dollar. I mean come on, his name and the brand name actually form a perfect portmanteau: Fabioldspice. And what a portMANteau it is, amirightladies? More »

Am I Right Ladies? Forget the Glass Ceiling, Have a Glass of Milk!

Am I Right Ladies? Forget the Glass Ceiling, Have a Glass of Milk!

It comes from us and it keeps us from becoming “not us.” That’s right, ladies, when it comes to Premenstrual Syndrome, milk does a body of good for the men in our lives who have to put up with it. Girls, girls, girls – we’re so crazy sometimes we don’t even realize the struggles of those around us. Forget the sharp cramps that feel like a tiny demon is inside of you poking your insides with an ice pick or the pervasive, inexplicably sudden feeling of hopeless, PMS affects men tenfold more than it does us. If it didn’t, then why would Got Milk? sponsor a rally in Los Angeles for PMS awareness? More »

Am I Right Ladies? The No-Nonsense Womyn of Cable

Am I Right Ladies? The No-Nonsense Womyn of Cable

Who says we don’t have good female role models on cable television? Sure, there’s plenty of ladies slumming it on trashy reality shows, but there are also plenty of sexy, type-A ladies who know their way around a fierce button-up blouse. These womyn can shoot guns, catch bad guys, win court cases and save lives as good as any man – and they do it in pumps! If that isn’t female empowerment, I don’t know what is. Seriously, I don’t know anymore. It may be a man’s world, but the boys be droolin’ while the girls be rulin,’ amirightladies? More »

Am I Right Ladies? Coppertone It Down, Please

Am I Right Ladies? Coppertone It Down, Please

Unlimited cheeseburgers. Work-free Monday. A swelling sense of national pride. John Stamos’ phone number. These are things you want to get on 4th of July weekend. But the last thing you want is the outline of your racerback sports bra permanently burnt into your skin. Talkin’ bout sunburn, ladies. There’s a fine line between putting a few shades of tan on your skin and putting a few years of age on your face, amirightladies? Melanoma? I hardly know her! More »

Am I Right Ladies? So Many Housewives, Not Enough Husbands

Am I Right Ladies? So Many Housewives, Not Enough Husbands

It’s bad enough that I’m still single, I don’t need to be reminded that even awful womyn manage to snag husbands, amirightladies? I mean come on, enough already. We need a moratorium on “wife” shows like I need a moratorium on products with high fructose corn syrup – I’m 98% positive both will give us diabetes. The other 2% of me is eating a strawberry fruit roll-up. Never forget, amirightladies? More »