Poor Jennifer Aniston. One day it’s “Why haven’t you had a baby yet?” and the next day it’s “Do you hate Angelina Jolie?” and the next day it’s “Where’s your Oscar nomination?” I really expected to put a Best Actress nomination for her performance in Cake on our list of surprises this morning, because Rachel Green getting an Oscar nomination? Is this real life?
But alas, Marion Cotillard swooped in out of nowhere and stole her thunder Monica-style. Don’t worry about Jen, though. She’s totes cool about the sitch, as she revealed to E! News last night before the nominations were announced.
Jen said she wasn’t even going to watch the announcement. Yeah, sure, whatever you say, Jennifer Aniston. (Insert dramatic knowing wink here.)
“I’ll be in bed with my beloved [Justin Theroux] and my dogs dreaming wild little dreams.”
And if she just happened to lie awake all night staring at the clock and then casually turn on the television as soon as it hit 5:30, that totally wasn’t planned. But she’ll still act surprised and be all “Oh, I guess one of the dogs must have hit the remote. Well, might as well watch.” Jennifer might be pretending she’s all cazj about this dealio, but her next statement sort of reveals just how not cazj she really is:
“I’m not going to torture myself,” she said, laughing. “My phone rang yesterday at five o’clock in the morning and I was like, ‘What’s happening? Who’s dead? Is today Thursday?’”
Whoa, calm down there, lady. Sadly E! doesn’t reveal whether Jennifer’s eye twitched or her voice cracked or she kept obsessively applying lip balm. (I don’t know, that’s what I do when I’m nervous sometimes, don’t ask.)
Maybe Justin can stage an elaborate alternate reality for Jen in which she did get nominated, and Marion Cotillard doesn’t even exist. After all, one doesn’t just stop working out and go without makeup and then not get an Oscar nomination. So if you run into Jen, be a bro and don’t mention the snub. Even thought SHE’S TOTALLY OKAY, YOU GUYS! DON’T WORRY ABOUT HER!