I keep thinking this rumored romance between Chris Martin and Jennifer Lawrence will go away or be proven false or turn out to be a weird dream I had during dental surgery or something. But we just keep getting more and more details about the most random celebrity relationship since… I really can’t even think of an example more random than this. I hope you’re ready to listen to songs about it, because that’s apparently how Chris Martin is wooing his new lady.
Jen’s already supposedly planning to go on tour with Chris and Coldplay (sure, that’s not rushing into things at all), and she’s apparently also inspiring him musically. A source told Us Weekly, “Chris is sweeping Jen off her feet,” because that happens to be “his thing.” How is he doing the sweeping, you ask?
“He writes her songs and loves taking her to private, romantic spots.”
So I guess when Coldplay releases their next album, we should listen up for some references to J.Law. Thankfully we’ve gotten a ton of practice for this from Taylor Swift, so it shouldn’t be too hard to decode Chris’ lyrics. Key words and phrases I’d pay attention for include “trip,” “cake,” “Oscar,” “it girl,” and “Katniss Everdeen.” Eh, that last one might be too hard to rhyme. Does “this mattress is full of beans” work? Whatever, I’m not a songwriter. I’ll leave the poetry to Chris Martin. Anyone else imagining the other members of Coldplay (whose names escape me now and have always escaped me and always will forever) giving Chris major side eye for this? Do it for us, other Coldplay guys.
Let’s talk about the second part of that quote, though. Those spots must really be pretty “private” indeed since we still have no photographic evidence that Martin Lawrence is a real thing that’s happening. Are they going on dates in their minds or something? Is that a new thing celebrities are doing? Mind dates? I’m really gonna need some confirmation one way or another about this situation soon, because it keeps me up nights.
Hey Gwyneth, how are things going with you?