• Sat, Aug 30 - 10:29 am ET

Some Of The Songs On Coldplay’s Next Album Might Be About Jennifer Lawrence

Jennifer Lawrence blond hair GIF well now that you said it yeah

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I keep thinking this rumored romance between Chris Martin and Jennifer Lawrence will go away or be proven false or turn out to be a weird dream I had during dental surgery or something. But we just keep getting more and more details about the most random celebrity relationship since… I really can’t even think of an example more random than this. I hope you’re ready to listen to songs about it, because that’s apparently how Chris Martin is wooing his new lady.

Jen’s already supposedly planning to go on tour with Chris and Coldplay (sure, that’s not rushing into things at all), and she’s apparently also inspiring him musically. A source told Us Weekly, “Chris is sweeping Jen off her feet,” because that happens to be “his thing.” How is he doing the sweeping, you ask?

“He writes her songs and loves taking her to private, romantic spots.”

So I guess when Coldplay releases their next album, we should listen up for some references to J.Law. Thankfully we’ve gotten a ton of practice for this from Taylor Swift, so it shouldn’t be too hard to decode Chris’ lyrics. Key words and phrases I’d pay attention for include “trip,” “cake,” “Oscar,” “it girl,” and “Katniss Everdeen.” Eh, that last one might be too hard to rhyme. Does “this mattress is full of beans” work? Whatever, I’m not a songwriter. I’ll leave the poetry to Chris Martin. Anyone else imagining the other members of Coldplay (whose names escape me now and have always escaped me and always will forever) giving Chris major side eye for this? Do it for us, other Coldplay guys.

Let’s talk about the second part of that quote, though. Those spots must really be pretty “private” indeed since we still have no photographic evidence that Martin Lawrence is a real thing that’s happening. Are they going on dates in their minds or something? Is that a new thing celebrities are doing? Mind dates? I’m really gonna need some confirmation one way or another about this situation soon, because it keeps me up nights.

Hey Gwyneth, how are things going with you?

Gwyneth Paltrow Royal Tenenbaums I'm fine thank you

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You can reach this post's author, Jill O’Rourke, on twitter.
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  • Ppillon

    I don’t know why, but I just like Chris SO MUCH BETTER with Gwyneth.

  • Name

    Considering when the “dating” story first broke, it was all based on Lawrence and Martin talking for 2 hrs. at an after-show party, then about 6 weeks of texting, I’d say it’s definitely “mind dating”. Especially in Martin’s, since it’s been his “friends” doing most, if not all, of the talking so far spilling the details of this “relationship”. Hard to imagine Lawrence’s “friends” are actually being quoted anywhere, otherwise we should’ve had a lot more from them about her split from Hoult.

  • carrie thompson

    In theory, this relationship should be amazing- he’s a famous musician (whether or not you like Coldplay, they’re a hugely famous band) and she’s one of the most famous and popular actors right now. They’re both just out of high-profile relationships, his especially was in the public sphere quite a bit. So their relationship should be this huge thing that raises both of their profiles (like a Brangelina type thing), and instead…it actually makes them both look worse.
    She’s too young to date a not-yet-divorced 37 year old father of two who is still very newly a single parent and whose ex-wife is a very public person, and he’s too old to be messing around with a 25 year old and the inevitably not-flattering comparisons to his ex/the mother of his children makes him look like a jerk for “trading up” in such an obvious way (the parallels between Gwyneth and Jennifer are huge, with Jennifer as the perfect counterpoint for everything that people mock about Gwyneth- dating Jennifer seems like a pointed dig at Gwyneth, which in the imortal words of Jennifer Aniston is “uncool”).

    • Mary Devlin Millar

      I don’t even think that at this point that anyone is even judging them as a couple because no one believes that they are a couple to begin with! (LOL!). The conversation now is how this whole “relationship” is PR manufactured baloney. Is anyone talking about how Paltrow is having an affair with a married man who left his wife of ten years for Paltrow?…no, they are talking about her estranged husband. Except, that it’s now all about how it isn’t a real relationship.

    • A_Nicole

      i doubt people are thinking this hard because this story looks crazier with every new “story” from “sources”. If it came out to be real then JLaw is going to look worse out of the two because CM is barely out of a marriage and has kids. But this is looking like a story plant to distract from the fact that Gwyneth may have been cheating with Brad who she is now dating. That story looked like a cheating scandal and two days later suddenly this relationship pops up. Well played Gwyneth

  • Mary Devlin Millar

    LOL!…what fresh fan fiction hell is this?. I think this “relationship” is as fake as a Hollywood backdrop and considering that each new story is more ridiculous than the last, and the fact that more and more people are not buying it, It has gone as far as it can. No confirmation, no photos, no direct quotes…no real story. So, in the absence of truth?…make it up.

    I know that investigative journalism is currently in Hospice right now, but how about good old fashioned logical thinking?. For instance, how in God’s name would Lawrence be able to go on tour with Coldplay?…with so many contractual obligations worth hundreds of millions or even billions?. Jennifer Lawrence could not so, the very notion should be dismissed. Lawrence’s name alone moves copy, so the gossip rags will continue to print ridiculous stories until they cannot anymore. Martin is now writing songs about Jennifer Lawrence???….nope…it’s fake folks.

    • Mockingjay

      How do you know her schedule? It seems to me that this article is suggesting she has a brief period of time where she can go to his shows. There’s not even that many shows it seems.

    • Hannah

      Do you really think that anonymous sources can be trusted and considered real? I mean really all these stories about Jen and Chris seem like PR fluff stories with no substance. Until their is photo proof, actual acknowledgement from the pair, or these anonymous sources put their names to these stories to prove they actually know them you have to side with these things currently being rumors. I think that is why everyone is questioning every detail that comes out about this.

    • Mockingjay

      While I believe that when a rumor gets stronger and more detailed as opposed to dying down then it is probably true. I only really take Us Weekly or People as somewhat reliable. And they continue to post stories about them.

    • pooh

      I have yet to see people magazine say anything about this. If they do then it will certainly add credibility more so then e and us magazine do. The biggest thing is there are supposed dates of these two in the hamptons but no pics, in today’s society people snap pics of celebrities all the time in the hamptons but they go unnoticed. Personally I think they are friends and might be more but the ‘he is wooing her by writing songs for her’ is total gossip rag make believe.

    • Guest

      Hey Mary. Did you hear that jlaw’s nude photos leaked?? And they aren’t fake either. So I just wanted to know what do you think about the three time nominated, Oscar winning, critically acclaimed and let’s not forget slut???

  • rockmonster

    *crashes through window*
    *gets up*
    You said something about Coldplay? ‘Cause I loves the Coldplay.

  • Holly

    Hahaha. Martin Lawrence. That’s all.