• Fri, Aug 29 - 4:14 pm ET

All The Proof You Need That Lea Michele Is A Robot In A Human Body

Lea Michele putting on mascara GIF(via)

Today is Lea Michele‘s twenty-eighth birthday, so in honor of this blessed day, I thought we should probably talk about the fact that she is a robot in a human body. Oh did you not know that? I thought it was common knowledge, but I guess I can talk through it with you if you need me to.

I’m fully aware that she looks like a girl on the outside, but it is cogs and machinery and not flesh and blood within, I’m certain of it. But because not everyone has the same cold, analytic scientist brain that I possess, I’ve prepared some talking points as proof.

EXHIBIT A: She never ages.

Lea Michele smiling GIF(via)

As far as I can tell from photos, videos, and GIFs, Lea Michele just appeared on the scene as a mature-looking sixteen-year old and hasn’t aged a day since. Sometimes she loses weight between seasons of Gleebut other than that, I can see zero differences. She either has a stash of baby bone marrow in her dressing room somewhere, or she’s a robot wearing a human skin. WHICH WOULD YOU RATHER.

EXHIBIT B: She isn’t bad at anything.

Lea Michele pushing her hair away from her eyes GIF(via)

Traditional humans have at least one area of weakness that can be exploited (trust me, I went to middle school), but so far, Lea has exhibited none. She sings, she dances, she acts, she wears bikinis, and she writes books. The only things she apparently doesn’t do well are sleep and be polite to other humansBoth things that further peg her as an android.

EXHIBIT C: Her emotions are dangerously strong.

Less than a month after the tragic death of Cory Monteith, who was allegedly her boyfriend at the time (although we don’t need to get into those conspiracy theories now), Lea was able to stand up in front of the entire audience at the Teen Choice Awards and give a touching, heart-breaking speech about him without shedding a single tear. Her eyes did get wet and glisten-y, but that’s something robots learn in Imitating Human Emotion 101. Easy as pie.

EXHIBIT D: She can’t be injured.

On the way to Lea’s Glee audition, she got into a huge accident outside the Fox parking lot. It was enough to completely total her car, but Lea emerged unscathed, PULLING GLASS OUT OF HER HAIR as she walked into the audition.

“I got into a massive car crash outside of the Fox lot — completely totaling my car. When I get into the room for my audition, I literally was still pulling pieces of glass out of my hair. They’re like, ‘Are you okay?’ I’m like, ‘I’m fine!’”

I KNOW YOU ARE. That’s what I’m worried about. She was so comfortable, in fact, that she even corrected the piano player when he or she made a mistake:

“I start singing my first song, and the piano player skipped through the second verse, so right in the middle of my song, I was like, ‘Excuse me!’ Very Rachel Berry!”

Are you not convinced? If this isn’t encouragement to sleep with one eye open (looking at you, Naya Rivera), then I don’t know what is.

Share This Post:
  • Sara Steinfeld

    She really DOESN’T age…

  • C

    Also, those Teeth.
    Not. Normal.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Not in any way normal.

    • Gleek101

      Her teeth are normal maybe a little big but at least they are white and straight

    • teeth are fine

      yeah let rip her cause no one has ever altered their teeth. Maybe a little large but nothing wrong with them overall. Sad how people have to always try to find something.

    • Holly

      So many of them…

  • wow

    I my god get that stick out of you ass about that one incident that happened years and years ago.

    • Gleek101

      Agree Alexis seems to have an obession with Lea even though she hates her and writes stupid articles like this one. Really a robot she is a human being just like everyone else no mechanical parts what so ever.

    • Nbl

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You’re adorable!

    • Holly

      You just said “Really a robot…” so you agree, yes? Are you also a robot? Beep once for “yes” and Boop twice for “no.”

    • gleek101

      No am i not a robot and no i don’t agree

    • M_G

      Definitely not. A robot would have a much better grasp of logic than you appear to have.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Hahaha!

    • M_G

      What?? If anything, this article is praising Lea Michele, not tearing her down. Perhaps you should look into removing the stick from YOUR ass.

  • Shoey

    Aww I was hoping this would be more snarky than it was.

  • Mai Linh Phan Le

    So this article really got me thinking… I used to be such a Lea Michele fan but ever since Cory’s passing she seems so inhuman and unrelatable! I wouldn’t be surprised if she really was a robot. She reminds me of the robot “Buffy” in BTVS!