Beyoncé Wrote A Terrible Poem, Proving That Not Even God Is Perfect

Beyonce Oops

I’m sorry to be the one to break the news to you, but Beyoncé is not perfect. I know, I know, that’s blasphemous, as she is a god. Or so we thought. It’s come to my attention that, even though she can sing, dance, and heal others with just a touch, she can’t write a poem for her life. That is, if someone were about to detonate a bomb and told her that they’d cut the right wire on the first try, Hollywood style, if she could just write a decent poem, I’d expect an explosion. It’s genuinely that bad.

I know all of this thanks to designer Carine Roitfeld, who included a spread of Bey in her fashion book, creatively named CR Fashion Book. First of all, dude, it’s a magazine. Secondly, this poem did not need to be a part of this deal at all. You’d think that, since Beyoncé can write a hit song in her sleep, she’d be able to write a great poem. Nope.

“I feel a deep bond with young children –
all those photos in my dressing room –
especially those who’ve been stricken,

I’m tuned to spirits, the emotions of others.
And I feel her presence all the time
though I never met my grandmother.

You call me a singer, but I’m called to transform,
to suck up the grief, anxiety, and loss
of those who hear me into my song’s form.”

Will someone please help me make sense of this? This is only an excerpt of the poem, but you can read the whole thing over at Carine’s site. No worries about that, though, because it’s just as all over the place. And you’ll end up no less confused than I am.

Bear in mind that, while these are “Beyoncé’s words,” the poem has been “remixed” by another person. I have literally no idea what that means, but I’m guessing that by that, they just mean “edited.” You know, scanned for spelling mistakes and missing emotion. Whoops! Actually, it looks like it was mainly just the first thing that was on the to-do list.

I mean, Beyoncé gave it the old college try, so I suppose that she deserves a consolation prize or something. Which would probably be a welcome replacement for the deity award that I’m assuming will be removed from her mantle any moment, now.

(GIF: Tumblr)

You can reach this post's author, Olivia Wilson, on twitter.
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    • Alana Vincenza

      Did she rhyme transform with form? Beyonce, WHYYYY

      • Olivia Wilson

        Classic grade-school rhyming technique.
        “When we play, we are running / When we sing, we are singing!”

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I am devastated right now. I feel like I just stumbled into the basement of Disneyland.

      • Olivia Wilson

        Yeah, and when you got down there all of the characters were chain smoking and watching porn. :(

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        You’re making it worse!

    • Sara Steinfeld

      “I feel a deep bond with young children…” yep it was probably going downhill from there

      • Olivia Wilson

        Definitely.

    • Jenny

      You know that Beyince doesn’t really write her songs, right?
      Right…….?

      • jenny

        Beyonce*

      • Olivia Wilson

        Not even one of them? I feel like she has.

      • Napoleon

        There’s no way to tell. She’s stolen so many writing credits that I’ve stopped keeping track.

    • Kiki R.

      Beyonce, a god???? Really?

    • Louise

      She probably can’t even spell her name.