Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Are Officially Married, This Is Not A Drill

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie attending The Normal Heart premiere May 2014 Brangelina

Break out your breaking news party hats, because it finally happened, everybody! Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, better known as the single very attractive entity Brangelina, are now officially married after nine years as a couple, six children together, and two years of engagement. A spokesperson for the couple has even confirmed it and everything. Before we all start to complain about the fact that they didn’t invite us to the ceremony (what nerve), let’s go over the details we have at the moment, shall we?

The Associated Press tweeted this morning that the wedding took place this past Saturday in France, because where else would it take place?

So it looks like you can finally rest easy knowing that when you accidentally slip up and use the words “husband” and “wife” and “marriage” and “the old ball and chain” and “Mr. and Mrs.” when referring to them, you won’t be wrong anymore! And the person you’re talking to won’t snap back, “You know they’re not actually married, right? They’re just engaged with six children together. Get it right! Ugh, you’re such a disappointment.” SPOILER ALERT: That person you’re talking to is me. I’m that person.

People magazine also confirmed the news with various sources, and added that the children were present for the festivities. No word yet on if they went through with the kids’ paintball theme. I’m betting they didn’t, but you never know!

Anyway, congrats to the newlyweds! And now I’ll close with this ancient celebrity proverb: Your move, Jennifer Aniston.

(Photo: Ivan Nikolov /

You can reach this post's author, Jill O’Rourke, on twitter.
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    • Alexis Rhiannon

      That person is also me. I don’t apologize.

    • Cee

      Plot twist: Jennifer Aniston has been married for a year.

      • Jill O’Rourke

        Dun dun duuuun.

    • fantasymother

      I’m happy for them. Maybe now the world will forget the Jennifer Aniston stuff.


    • Angie

      My dream husband got married and didn’t tell me?! The nerve!

      Aha congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Pitt. :)

    • “Your move, Jennifer Aniston.” Is there any other people that get mentioned with their ex as much as these two? Everything Brad does- Jen is mentioned. Everything Jen does (or doesn’t do)- Brad is mentioned. I’m not blaming you, author of this particular article, it’s everyone who does it. I don’t even think of these two as having once been married before anymore. They are so separate. It’s like they don’t even live in the same world. Yet, everything that happens to one becomes about the other. It’s weird. I kind of hate it. I’d hate to be divorced and have these things come up, this pressure, when my ex does something. I hope Jen never reads things that say this. I wouldn’t want to feel like I was ‘losing’ or behind when it comes to being happy or successful in particular ways before my ex does.
      … just saying.

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