Jennifer Aniston Says Not Having Kids Isn’t A Failure, Must Not Realize We Own Her Uterus

Jennifer Aniston shrug GIFJennifer Aniston says the fact that she hasn’t had kids doesn’t make her a failure, and hearing that come out of her mouth makes me realize — did someone forget to tell Jen that her uterus belongs to us, the people of America??

I feel like I definitely assigned someone to get that information to her, but apparently it didn’t happen, because she just gave an interview to the Today Show that makes it sound like she’s in charge of her own body and life and choices or something. LOLOLOLOL. She sat down with Carson Daly to promote her new project, Life Of Crimeand answered some questions about what it feels like to be the subject of endless speculations as to when and if she’ll get married and have kids.

“I don’t have this sort of checklist of things that have to be done, and… if they’re not checked, then I’ve failed some part of my feminism or my being a woman or my worth and my value as a woman, because I haven’t birthed a child.”

BUT HAVEN’T YOU? After all, what is a woman without a child? Does the English language even have a word for such a concept? All I know is that until a woman has a husband and a baby, she can’t own property, vote in anything beyond midterm elections, receive awards, cash checks, or make eye contact with the elderly. Which is a real shame, because Jennifer seems like a real nice girl.

“I’ve birthed a lot of things, and I feel like I’ve mothered many things, and I don’t think it’s fair to put that pressure on people.”

Well then why do they make it so easy to do? Anonymously, from behind our computer screens here! If it wasn’t fair to treat you like a second-class citizen just because you aren’t ensconced in a traditional family, then why does it roll off the tongue so easily? Or, as Carson wanted to know:

“Why do you think people who don’t even know you care so much about those things?”

To which Jennifer kind of mistily responded:

“If you have an answer to that, please let me know. I don’t know. I don’t know.”

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And neither do I, if I’m being honest. We here at Crushable poke fun at the length of Jennifer and Justin Theroux‘s engagement, and privately theorize that the two of them might not actually be together anymore, but I have no explanation for why the media is so fixated on Jennifer and her uterus. The woman’s been on baby watch more times than Michelle Duggar, which is seriously saying something, and every time we push that facet of her life to the forefront, we negate all the other amazing successes she’s seen in her life. And the fact that she herself might not want kids or to get married again right this minute! And most importantly that no matter how she feels, it’s not her responsibility to pass that information on to us.

I can’t promise that I’ll immediately clean up my snark act and never come round these Aniston parts again (PUN INTENDED), but as a proud feminist, I’ll definitely think harder about the way I cover her in the future — if I would cover a dude in the same way. I suspect in the past that the answer has been no, and I appreciate Jennifer bringing that to my attention. Honestly.

(Image: giphy)

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    • Elizabeth Aspen

      I have to applaud women like Jennifer – and myself – who choose not to have kids. As far as I’m concerned, we’ve successfully dodged a big bullet. I look at how my brother’s kids turned out in life – drugs, drinking, teen pregnancies, welfare, no ambition or goals whatsoever – and it makes me want to hug my cats for an hour. You can do a great job as a parent, but there’s still no guarantee that your spawn isn’t going to knife you in your sleep if you say no, you can’t borrow the car tonight. I’ll never have to bail my cats out of jail, put them through college, or endure a KMart smackdown. Who the hell needs that kind of drama in life? I’d rather just sleep in.

    • Erin

      Big props to Jennifer for saying this. Cameron Diaz and Zooey Deschanel have recently spoken up about this as well. Not every woman is dying to have kids (myself included), and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

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