Hey guys, if Sofia Vergara says it wasn’t sexist for her to rotate stunningly and silently on a pedestal while a wealthy white man droned on about the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences at the Emmys last night, we should probably accept that this beautiful object knows what she’s talking about. But I had no idea that she spoke, too! What an elaborate creature! Next you’ll be telling me that she has a brain.
In case you’re not a hundo percent caught up on what I’m talking about, through some combination of not watching the Emmy Awards or not caring, during yesterday’s broadcast, president Bruce Rosenblum brought Sofia onstage and put her on a rotating pedestal beside him to give us something to look at during his traditional boring speech. No seriously, that was the actual sole reason that she was onstage. She didn’t speak, she barely moved except to give us a better view of her body, and she never stopped smiling. BUT DON’T WORRY. According to the human mannequin herself, it wasn’t sexist or demeaning or any of those big words that mean ‘not okay’:
“I think its absolutely the opposite. It means that somebody can be hot and also be funny and make fun of herself. I think it’s ridiculous that somebody started this—I know who she was—who has no sense of humor [and should] lighten up a little bit.”
Hush hush hush now you beautiful object, and calm down! You’ll ruin your gown! But seriously, of course Sofia doesn’t think it’s sexist. Ever since she got to Hollywood, her shtick has been that she’s beautiful and can’t talk English good, and she’s gone along with that, so why would this be any different. All anyone ever talks to her about is her face, her body, her hair, her nails, her boyfriend, or her hi-liarious accent, so this was really just a more public, ope, shameless example of that stereotype.
We can’t even make fun of our favorite cringeworthy topic — Giuliana Rancic interviewing Sofia Vergara with an absurd amount of ‘holas’ sprinkled in — in our office anymore, because Giuliana has now moved into caricature, last night imitating Sofia’s accent and refusing to ask any questions that weren’t about Joe Manganiello or the Spanish words for breasts. I mean…come on. We don’t give her credit for being an intelligent human and hard-working, award-winning actress either way, so what’s the difference if she’s the doll in a life-size music box or not?