First things first, I’m the sorriest. I’m sorry because you’ve all had to start your Saturday morning off with a cup of piping hot Justin Bieber news instead of a bucket of ice water being poured over a celebrity’s head. I hope you can forgive me, and that we’re still friends who unite together in our despair over All Things Bieber. Because I’ve officially given up.
Justin Bieber took something called a Can-Am Spyder (I’m not cool enough to know about vehicles that use “y” as a real vowel) out for a ride recently, and when he decided he didn’t feel like sitting in traffic with a bunch of lame plebs in Honda Civics and electric cars, he revved up his four-wheeler and took it for a ride on the sidewalk instead. I know, insert-eye-roll-here, right? He’s not above breaking the law by doing something incredibly stupid.
Except that’s not the worst part. If you read the title to this post, you probably already know what the worst part is. Or maybe you thought I was joking, in which case I’m actually regretfully about to inform you that I was not. During his sidewalk joyride, Bieber honest-to-God narrowly missed wiping out a lovely octogenarian woman and her walker. TMZ has a the video an incredulous paparazzi recorded (watch and see if you don’t gasp right along with him though, I know I did) of Bieber not even caring that he could have flattened someone’s poor Nana like a pancake. I want to take that lady’s walker and puncture his helmet with it. Be sure to continue watching through the end so you don’t miss his little dance number. Reminds me of those “twerking” balloon men outside of small-town car dealerships. Then again, maybe he was doing one of his spiritual counseling homework assignments?
Interesting tidbit: Justin Bieber is still on probation from his egg-throwing incident. You know what’s against the law? DRIVING A VEHICLE ON A SIDEWALK. When is this kid going to rehab for “exhaustion” already? Seriously. I know I could use a solid 28-day-long Bieber Break.