It’s the time of year again when the celebrities with the most screws loose climb up on the MTV VMAs stage and do crazy things! If you aren’t too scarred and will allow yourself to remember back to this time last year, you’ll recall that Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke set the crazy (and creepy) bar nice and high. I, myself, am too traumatized to remember it in its entirety, so I’m working with fragments and flashbacks here. But I know that it was disturbing and it was foam-finger-y.
I almost want to say that I’m excited to see how Miley or anyone who is else itching for some news coverage will attempt to top Twerkgate 2013. But things might get too out of hand too quickly and I don’t want to be held accountable. So, I’m feeling like a much safer way to commemorate the event that shaped this very nation would be to point out all of the ways that our lives have been shaken up because of it.
Oh and by the way, happy twerkiversary (that phrase is coined and copywritten by Jenni, so don’t bother Robin Hooding it !!) to Robin and Miley! May the pairing of your names in a sentence forever cause people to gag a little.
1. Miley Cyrus has stopped giving any effs whatsoever.
Literally, not one eff to be given in the immediate vicinity.
2. Robin Thicke became an overnight creep.
Even Paula Patton snapped out of her trance and realized that she was married to a slimeball.
3. Twerking became inescapable.
No doubt was twerking a “thing” before Miley learned how to do it, but holy crap did she make it mainstream. Dame Helen Mirren even twerked in public! A freaking DAME. Look what you’ve done, Miley.
4. Miley’s tongue became inescapable.
5. Hannah Montana was murdered on live TV.
By none other than Miley, herself! Speaking of which…
6. We realized that maybe we should pay actual attention to Disney stars.
We’ve applauded Miley a bunch of times for showing that she can be more than controversial when it comes to her craft. Selena Gomez is doing her damnedest to undo that work, but she hasn’t done so just yet.
7. We were treated to every celebrity’s opinions on Miley.
8. We got to spend an hour watching Miley convince herself that she’s some sort of mogul.
Miley: The Movement was definitely a sight to behold. And one that we all did behold, however shamefully.
9. That Billy Ray Cyrus video happened.
Which included a life-ruining reference to Miley surrounded by what can only be described as “the most cringeworthy set of lyrics of all time.”