Katie Holmes has been living in New York City ever since her divorce from Tom Cruise, but now she’s ready to pack it up and move back to California for her, um…career. So precious that she thinks she still has one.
(To be fair, she also thinks it’s a better place than NYC to raise her daughterÂ Suri, which is hilarious because Suri has been a kitten heel-wearing adult from the moment she was born. She needs no raising, regardless of the location.)
But as for the career part — girl, I admire your optimism, but let’s get real here for a second. You haven’t starred in a recognizable movie inÂ years at this point. Sure, you’re inÂ The Giver, but that project lost its credibility as soon as it cast Taylor Swift in an acting role, and you lost yours the moment you started letting her set you up on dates.Â Really the last big project Katie was in wasÂ Batman BeginsÂ back in 2005,Â but her character was played byÂ Maggie GyllenhaalÂ in the sequel, so it’s really more of a negative than a positive, since being replaced in a franchise is about the clearest possible message from Hollywood that you’re free to move about the cabin. Do whatever you want. Don’t call us, we won’t call you.
But TMZÂ claims thatÂ Katie is returning to the mother ship anyway, picking up a home in Calabasas for $3,795,000 in The Oaks, a fancy neighborhood where KourtneyÂ and Khloe Kardashian live as well. It was apparently a super secret deal, and the reason we haven’t heard about it before is that it came with a confidentiality agreement that hit anyone who leaked details with a $1 million penalty.
So Katie is all set up in the home now (RIP casually-disheveled photo shoots in Whole Foods!), and I’m getting pretty clear images already of Suri rolling her eyes as she helps her mom eagerly run lines, asking her — and be honest! — if she can still pass for twenty-five.