Get out your black clothing and prepare to mourn romance, because Zac Efron and Michelle Rodriguez have reportedly broken up. In an article unironically titled “Zac Efron, Michelle Rodriguez Split After Two-Month Whirlwind Romance,” Us Weekly gives us the details of their break-up. And shockingly, the reason behind the decision was not “they were tired of pretending they enjoyed putting their mouths that close to each other.” Weird.
According to an “insider,” Zac and Michelle went their separate ways after a “huge fight” in Ibiza, Spain. What is it about Ibiza, Spain, these days? One second I’m like, “Wait, where is this place?” and the next second Orlando Bloom is almost punching Justin Bieber there. And now it’s the site of Zac and Michelle’s fake-up, err, I mean break-up? Sorry, for some reason my fingers keep wanting to type the word “fake” when writing about these two. I don’t know what’s happening. Fake. Ugh, it happened again.
According to another source, which I’m sure was definitely not the same source just disguising his or her voice on the phone, Zac’s not as ready to let go as Michelle:
“Michelle is going to do her own thing. Zac knew this about her when he got with her,” a second source tells Us. “He’s very into her though, and perhaps more than she’s into him.”
Fake. Oh my goodness, why does that keep happening? So annoying. Anyway, to catch you up on this “whirlwind romance,” remember that these two started having weird choreographed dance hangouts earlier this summer, and then before we even had time to be confused about it, they started kissing each other on a boat. Then there were reports that they’d actually been hooking up since 2011. Also that Michelle was just Zac’s sugar mama.
But now it’s all over, and we’ll never know what their kids will look like. Well, unless we believe those online face mashup programs. Not that I tried it with their pictures or anything. Not that I spend my weekends uploading celebrity photos and creating imaginary children. Stop looking at me. Fake. Ugh, why does that keep happening?