Let’s Hope Jinger Duggar’s A Fast Runner, Because This Is Prime Time For Her To Escape

jinger duggar rolling eyes

Look, I know. You’re on total Duggar overload right now. Jill Duggar’s pregnant, Jessa Duggar’s engaged and Jambalaya Duggar just got braces. Just kidding. Braces are for non-believers. Keep your mouth as tight as your legs and your teeth will straighten themselves out. Or so Michelle Duggar once whispered to me over the phone. Or was that about transgender people being child predators? Who can keep track these days!

No really, who can keep track these days? This family’s so busy rumpelstiltskining their daughters’ uteruses into gold that no one can possibly keep track of all them. Which means that it’s prime time for Jinger Duggar to make a run for it. Also to change her name to Ginger. Or Katie. Or  Topanga. Really anything that follows the commonly accepted rules of pronunciation.

Why Jinger instead of Jana, Johannah and JadenSmith? Well she’s always been the one Duggar daughter who didn’t seem impressed with her family. While her sisters spent their childhood dreaming of the day they could turn their uteruses into day care centers, she spent hers dreaming of a life in the big city. Give or take a few words I put in her mouth after watching this interview two years ago.  Or even just the fact that she’s the only Duggar daughter who went huntin’ with the boys in camo while the rest of the gals knit embryo sweaters.

But seriously, everyone who’s anyone in the 19 Kids and Counting hate-watching community knows Jinger wants out. Just look at this Google search for “Jinger Duggar wants:”

jinger duggar wants to escape

Or just the fact there’s a whole website called FreeJinger.org. I don’t see FreeJason.com or FreeJanis.com. And yes, before you even ask, Janis is a real Duggar. She just has horrible hair and therefore spends her time curled up in a damp corner in the basement asking God why he has forsaken her. At least according to the Duggar screenplay I’m writing in my head right now.

So Jinger, if you’re reading this, ruuuuunnn. Also pat yourself on the back for reading. That has nothing to do with child bearing, so it’s pretty brave of you to do it.

(GIF: Tumblr)

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