Leonardo DiCaprio Sports A Man Bun, Officially Removes ‘Heartthrob’ From His Resume

Leonardo DiCaprio Oceana's Annual SeaChange Summer Party August 2014

Guys, we need to talk about Leonardo DiCaprio. I’ve kept silent about this issue for far too long, but it’s time to address it. It’s been clear for a while now that Leo’s on the road to becoming the next Jack Nicholson (aka the creepy old playboy who sits in the front row at the Oscars wearing sunglasses), but I didn’t know he would have to go through so many disturbing stages on his way there. Take, for example, the look he sported on Saturday at Oceana’s 2014 SeaChange Summer Party in Laguna Beach, California. There’s a lot to take in, so bear with me.

You can see in the photo above that he’s doing the exact opposite of rocking that beard. It’s a little too long, a little too messy, a little too familiar with the skin on his neck. What is he hiding in there? Snacks? Breath mints? Condoms for his inevitable hook-up with a 20-something later? The phone numbers of all the Oscar voters? The wreckage of the Titanic? What could it possibly be?!

You’ll also notice that Leo has his hair slicked back. Not quite as unusual, since that’s been his go-to look for a while now. It does look a little greasier and sloppier than it has in the past, though. And what are those stray pieces falling out above his ear? It’s almost like he has it pulled back in a… OH NO! PLEASE NO! WHYYYYY????

Leonardo DiCaprio bun Oceana's Annual SeaChange Summer Party August 2014

Yes, as you can see, Leo is now in possession of a man bun, which means he’s now reached the Shia LaBeouf/Joaquin Phoenix stage of his transition. How did it come to this? I knew he wasn’t the dreamboat he used to be, but that’s bound to happen with age, and I still held onto a little hope that he would at least remain dapper as he got older. Well, dapper enough to not sport a man bun and an Ellen-style sneakers-and-suit combo. But I guess it’s all too easy to throw hygiene and fashion sense out the window when you’re hooking up with models on yachts.

I know I said I’d never let go, Leo, but I think it’s time to pry your frozen fingers from my grasp and let you sink into the creepy middle-aged abyss so I can float away on my piece of wood that could have totally held both of us and get over you. It pains me to say this, but the heartthrob has now become the heartslob. Thanks for the pun opportunity.

(Photos: FayesVision/WENN.com)

You can reach this post's author, Jill O’Rourke, on twitter.
Share This Post:
    • Alana Vincenza

      Heartslob indeed. Leo, I’ve officially let go.

    • TJ

      I don’t mine the man bun, but that beard is atrocious! Here’s hoping it is for a role! :)

    • Kathy

      Leo’s auditioning for the new Ten Commandments movie. I guess he wants to be Moses, now that Noah has been done. Don’t worry, his next girlfriend will give him a shave and haircut. :-)

    • Jana O’Brien Cordova

      He is starring in a film, set to start filming next month in Canada where he plays a pioneer in the 1800s people. The beard and hair growth is for the part. So many of you tend to forget he is an ACTOR and sometimes they have to alter their look’s and weight for these things!

      • Guest

        Boooo to reality! ;)

    • Samantha Escobar

      I would still hit it, but to be fair, I live in Bushwick so beards and gross man buns are like totally my thing right now.

      • Samantha Escobar

        Oh but his bun is totally disproportionate to his beard and THAT I DO NOT APPRECIATE.

      • fantasymother

        Agreed. His head should be falling forward.

      • Janelle

        Ditto this comment. With that being said, dudes in Bushwick always wear flannel, skinny jeans and drink PBR. This weird mishmash of grungy hipster dude + suit and sneaker man? NO BUENO.

      • Samantha Escobar

        Preach, girl.

    • fantasymother

      The good news for me is, I never wanted him to I don’t have to withdraw.

      Beards are good for things like hiding small children or an extra meal. Tiny man buns like that aren’t good for much at all.

    • Coco

      The title and then the Jack Nicholson comment just cracked me up!

    • tntkeo

      Why do cool shoes on men just do it for me?

    • Rose

      I found a book from 2002 and it showed him with a beard and the man bun. So at least he has consistency in his looks. He in my opinion is the only man who I find attractive with hair like that (maybe I just have weird tastes though)

    • john

      You’ve got to be kidding me with this article… Leo will be in British Columbia in a few short months playing a wild frontiersman for the film The Revenant. Look it up. So while he does look ridiculous right now, remember he will make $20 million base for this role, he is sleeping with a victoria secret model and most of her friends, and he just spent the summer yachting around every exclusive island you can imagine. I’m sure he’s looking forward to shaving but in the mean time fuck it… he’s leo