I’ve had all weekend to get used to the rumored relationship between Chris Martin and Jennifer Lawrence, and so far the only part I fully understand is that the couple name ‘Martin Lawrence’ is the best thing that has ever happened.
But for the most part, I can’t figure out at all how these two found each other. At thirty-seven, Chris is over a decade older than not only Jennifer, but also her last boyfriend, Nicholas Hoult. I can’t even begin to picture them together, but the first clue to their coupledom that makes any sense whatsoever is the fact that Chris is supposedly attracted to J-Law because she’s the ‘polar opposite’ of Gwyneth. According to Mail Online:
“Jennifer is loads of fun and they can’t stop laughing when they are together. Chris feels he is dating someone who has everything he’s been missing out on in the past eleven years.”
I mean yeah, that makes sense, given that all Jennifer can talk about at awards shows is food, while Gwyneth tastefully averts her eyes every time someone mentions a carb so as not to gain mind-pounds. I guess we know where Chris falls in that spectrum, given that he’s already back to eating meat post-split.
“Jennifer doesn’t take herself too seriously and when she is not filming she just wants to hang out and have a good time.”
Hey come on! Gwyneth knows how to have a good time! Once a week, every Saturday night, she allows herself one cigarette and (presumably) to look at a photo of a cupcake in bed with both hands above the covers. No funny business!
Jen and Chris were first pegged as a potential couple when they were seen ‘deep in conversation’ at the after-party for Coldplay‘s Royal Albert Hall performance in London on July 1st. Since then, they’ve reportedly been texting nonstop (which I’m assuming Gwyneth would never do because it unattractively bulks up the thumbs), with Chris reportedly ‘showering’ Jennifer with gifts on her twenty-fourth birthday this past Friday.
Must be a nice change for J-Law, considering that Nicholas Hoult is rumored to have broken up with her after her ‘ego exploded’ due to her meteoric rise in fame. Chris spent the last eleven years in a marriage with someone so full of herself that she genuinely believes her job is harder than being a working mom, so dating someone with a trifecta of Oscar nominations before age twenty-five must not bother him in the slightest.