I just spent the last 60 seconds trying to come up with the perfect intro line for this story, and honestly I just can’t. There’s really nothing witty I can lead with here after that title, so let’s just dive right in, shall we? (Sorry, J-Law and Chris Martin, but your time in the sun is over and I’mma need you to park it in the shade for a few.) Remember Andrew Keegan? Sure you do, or you’re obviously not someone who came of age in the ’90s. He was in films like Camp Nowhere (one of my all-time faves) and 10 Things I Hate About You, and also starred as Mary Camden’s DILF boyfriend on 7th Heaven. He used to grace a lot of Bop magazine covers, and also my closet door alongside JTT, Zachary Ty Bryan, and Leo.
So what’s he up to now, you ask? Oh nothing, just leading some weirdo religious cult in Venice Beach. Yeah, I know. OOF. This is no joke, either. It’s hard out there for a mediocre ’90s star, I guess. So what’s a 1994 teen pinup to do? Find solace with people named “Third Eye” and in a new age temple called “Full Circle.” A reporter from Vice (who must be an intern or initiate of some sort, to be given such an exclusive lead) took a trip out to California to visit ol’ Andrew and study him among his new flock:
“When I visited the church, I was greeted at the door by a man who said his name was Third Eye. He quickly introduced me to the community pet Krishna, a giant talking parrot. Third Eye explained that he was part of the “inner circle,” composed of eight core members, all of whom are led by the founder Andrew Keegan. All the members are “enlightened” and have come together to initiate change. While they are cooperative, Keegan is the official leader who has, as Third Eye put it, the ‘ultimate say on all things.’”
If you’re now finding yourself blinking very heard, while your mind processes phrases like “Third Eye”, “Krishna, the Giant Talking Parrot”, and your own path to personal enlightenment…well, you are not alone. I can’t even finish my own handful of peanut M&Ms right now, so enthralled am I by this news. Since the last time Andrew Keegan was in the news was probably when he was a part of the Leann Rimes/Piper Perabo love triangle (#neverforget), I am shamelessly eating all of this up.
I mean, there’s really no making heads or tails of this news in any logical way, I’m just going to leave you with this juicy tidbit because the mental image it conjures up is captivating:
”We stepped outside so Keegan and Leah could smoke American Spirits, and they told me that their goal is to promote the individual becoming truly themselves outside of defined boundaries. The actor was wearing a pork pie hat and an Indian scarf; his girlfriend was adorned in a white silk kimono.”
Scientology has never seemed more sane.