If you’ve been making fun of the seemingly endless stream of pictures of Taylor Swift leaving the gym dressed like goddamn royalty, the jokes on you. Because she’s trying way hard to look that way! (Her words, but also my own words.) While you and everyone else are content walking out of your respective sweat establishments resembling melted cheese, Taylor goes for a more “Sweat? What’s sweat? I’m on my way to the red carpet” aesthetic.
Taylor “Why Yes, I Am Better Than You” Swift popped into Late Night to discuss her new movie, The Giver with Seth Meyers. She doesn’t delve into what monster muffin basket she had to send in order to convince the movie’s producers to cast her in the role of Rosemary. But what she does say is —dare I say it— even better.
I think I like most how her tone implies that we’re all idiots for being unfamiliar with these things called hairbrushes or showers. But, on the contrary, in the moment where you are at the swampiest you have ever been and think you’ll ever be, you’re actually hyper-aware of those things. You daydream about the gentle caress of a brush detangling your ponytail knots and the cleansing scrub of a loofah that you aren’t sure when to replace.
You just haven’t hatched a (frankly downright sinister) plan to look better than every other sweat goblin, so you sort of just go home all grimy-like. Unless people showering after their workout at the gym is totally a thing and I am the grossest. Either way, there’s probably no quick-change into J. Crew runway model attire and especially no twee hairpins involved. Because all that you can focus on is getting water, like that one Spongebob Squarepants episode that I am ashamed to have just referenced in real life. And all that Taylor can focus on is being her best self, which, incidentally, completely crushes your best self.