Guys, Jessa Duggar is engaged! Let the celebratory hand-holding commence! But before the rest of us pull out our party horns and non-alcoholic champagne, can we just take a moment to reflect on the fact that she does not like this guy?
Jessa and Ben Seewald have been ‘courting’ for just over eleven months now, which mostly means they get to go on younger-sibling-chaperoned dates that end up getting documented on 19 Kids And Counting, where you can watch Jessa try to stand approximately anywhere except next to Ben from the comfort of your own living room! She’s a good sport, and she’s able to keep up appearances, but any time anyone brings up marriage on the show, you can see this cloud pass over her eyes as she contemplates a terrifying lifetime of side hugs from a man who sends her love notes like this:
Eeeeeep! As my coworker Olivia pointed out, “If a guy says “I love you my precious princess,” he is about one set of pearls from skinning you and wearing it as a coat.” But oh well! Let’s ignore all that and get engaged to each other instead! We’ll announce it in a statement! That’ll be fun!
“We are so blessed to be engaged! God has written an amazing story through our courtship, and another chapter has just begun! We are thrilled to see what the future holds — especially the wedding bells!”
I am also thrilled to see what the future holds. Because when you get married to someone whom you can barely stand to be side-hugged by, I can’t wait to see how your first kiss ON YOUR WEDDING DAY goes. Good thing it will be televised, because you wouldn’t want to make a bad decision and not get paid for it! That’s not something God would want.