Hey guys, I may or may not have some not-so-nice (albeit honest) things to say about my (not your) future best friend, Jennifer Lawrence, because that’s what best friends are for, right? Haha! Of course not! Everyone knows that Jennifer is perfect, and brilliant and nothing less than awesome… or else. From her face to her face-mushing Emma Watson and everything in between, it’s clear that if you’re not Team J.Law already then you can’t sit with us.
Even though we Law-yers (just go with it) can go a little off the deep end when it comes to our leading lady, there are a few drawbacks to co-signing one of the precious, and most cherished talents of our generation. Adding to our list of #JLawfanproblems, here are six things every J.Law fan has ever had to deal with:
1. You love her so much already but you’d love her even more if she’d just open an Instagram, Twitter or Facebook account so we can properly stalk her.
Hell, I’d even settle for Myspace at this point. JUST GIVE US SOMETHING ALREADY!!!!
2. Your supposed-to-be friends insist on dissing her mid-watching Silver Linings Playbook and complain how she shouldn’t have won that Oscar and how “Book Tiffany” was so much better and… (leaves Movie Night)
Guess who just lost two best friends?!!
3. Even if you are a J.Law fan, the second you disagree with or criticize anything J.Law has said or done, you’ve opened the Gates of Internet Hell.
Trust us, we’ve experienced the fury first-hand.
4. Since she split from that other guy, you can finally make use of that matchmaker sheet you’ve been working on.
Errrmurrgurd, this will be so much fun Jen! (Yes, we have an unspoken agreement for the first name basis.) Shall I call Bradley Cooper, or should you?
5. Aside from that unfunny (because “tasteless” sounds too incriminating) rape joke, sometimes Jen knows just the right thing to say and gives some really great words of advice to live and eat by.
Remember that one time when that meanie called her fat and said she should use her full-body photos as ‘motivation for [her] diet’? And let us not forget how she taught us to respond to anyone spewing that cursed four-letter word: “You can go f*ck yourself.”
6. For someone so seemingly flawless as Jen, she isn’t against being her naturally weird and clumsy self at the worst possible time and place.
Which is why we love you, Jen! Happy 24th to you! May we one day actually be friends or acquaintances or make eye contact in the court house when I’m arrested for stalking you.