Here’s a thing that I didn’t know before today: Katy Perry dropped out of school in her freshman year of high school and now regrets doing so. And not to be a total jerk, but that sentence right there explains to me so many things. Because homegirl is not smart. But, just like we can’t expect flawless reading skills from a person who only attends school for a few hours a day, we can’t exactly expect stone-cold genius from a person who stopped going to school altogether.
According to an interview that Katy did with Yahoo!, she wishes that she’d spent more QT in the classroom when she was younger.
“I’m kind of bummed at this stage that I didn’t have a great education because I could really use that these days.”
That is indeed correct, Katy. Being smarter overall is one of the ways that you could avoid being made fun of by everyone each time that you open your mouth.
Katy continues, citing her parents’ constant moving as the reason that she missed a lot of school before she had even formally dropped out.
“I was being pulled out of school even in the middle of school and sometimes being home-schooled. Sometimes we were sent to these really half-Christian, half-education, I-don’t-know-what-they-were schools.”
That sucks big time, no snark intended. And although Katy says that she’s “learned to educate [herself] at this stage” and is “still very thirsty for information,” it’s pretttty clear by the inane quotes that she’s always giving that she’s 100% correct about having left school too early. I hope that she knows that it’s never too late to go back and learn some stuff.
1. On her private thoughts becoming public:
“I wasn’t stereotyping anyone in particular, I was talking about ex-boyfriend. All these songs are very personal, they’re straight out of a “dear diary” situation…[but] my Anne Frank is now being exposed to the world.” - TheNewGay.net
Are you SURE that you’d like to compare your voluntary release of pop music to any of the number of struggles faced by Anne Frank? Are we positive that that has never gone badly ever before?
2. On feminism:
“I am not a feminist, but I do believe in the strength of women.” – to Billboard Magazine
Please, feel free not to continue.
3. On racism and cultural appropriation:
“I guess I’ll just stick to baseball and hot dogs, and that’s it. I know that’s a quote that’s gonna come to fuck me in the ass, but can’t you appreciate a culture? I guess, like, everybody has to stay in their lane? I don’t know.” – to Rolling Stone
This one feels like she just shrugged her shoulders and said, “Alright already, I know I am an idiot!”
4. On her “type” of guy:
“I guess I happen to be attracted to high-frequency men.” – to Cosmopolitan
Pretty sure that doesn’t mean what she thinks it means.
5. On Japanese people:
“I am obsessed with Japanese people. I love everything about them and they are so wonderful as human beings… [Like,] ‘I’m so obsessed, I want to skin you and wear you like Versace.’” – to Jimmy Kimmel
NO. No, Katy, you do not… that is not… you just cannot. What?!? I am speechless.
6. On feminism (again):
“I used to not really understand what that word meant but now that I do, it just means that I love myself as a female and I also love men. I am woman… Hear me roar!” – on The Today Show
I am afraid that Katy will never understand the definition of feminism.
7. On nudity in pop culture:
“It’s such a strange world. Like females in pop — everybody’s getting naked. I mean, I’ve been naked before but I don’t feel like I have to always get naked to be noticed.” – to NPR
Ahh, the great and wholesome Katy Perry who is always covered from neck-to-toe and never sells sex.
8. On the no-makeup photo of her that Russell Brand tweeted:
“I wasn’t pissed. I mean, I can’t be a full tranny every day of the week. That’s an exaggerated part of my personality. It’s me hamming it up. The exterior me is a little bit more smiley than the interior me. So, that picture, it just shows that I’m a normal, everyday woman who has really big dreams. It gives encouragement to any girls out there that they, too, can be a larger-than-life cartoon.” – to Rolling Stone
Did you cringe to death reading that, and are now reading this from the afterlife? Because that’s where I’m writing this from.
9. On aliens:
“Oh my God, when [the show] talks about the sky people , how everyone comes from the sky and how the Pyramids were used for star observations, it’s too much for me. It all seems to connect the dots. It’s blowing my mind.” – to Rolling Stone
Sweet, simple Katy.