In an interview that seems wildly out of place in August 2014, Three Men and a Baby star Steve Guttenberg talks about working with the Olsen twins on the set of It Takes Two. It takes what? It Takes Two! That movie that came out in 1995 that makes little to no sense. (Not to be confused with their show, Two of a Kind.)
The movie’s about two identical girls who trade places after realizing they look alike. What doesn’t make sense about that? It’s never explained why they’re identical! Even though it’s so easily explainable. All they had to was say rich Alyssa Callaway (Ashley Olsen) got adopted as a baby, while poor ragamuffin Amanda Lemmon (Mary-Kate) got shipped off to live in Kirstie Alley’s
heart orphanage. There. Done deal. But instead the movie’s about how uncanny it is that two people can look so much alike — but come from such different backgrounds! Nonsense aside, I l-o-v-e the movie. Legally speaking, the Olsens could do no wrong in the ’90s! So I’m thrilled that Steve’s finally doing some press for it!
I’m also thrilled that he has no shame about name dropping Ashley and Mary-Kate to get headlines in this Us Weekly article. So shall we begin with the droppings? Yes? Okay!
“They came to my house one time for a little pool party.”
Just a nonchalant “little” pool party reference. Nothing too crazy. Just a day at the pool with some co-stars. Was Kirstie there? Yes? No? Who can remember at such a casual event?
Oh hey Steve, did you guys ever do anything else besides pool parties? Oh you did? Tell me about it!
“I remember having races with them for a quarter. I knew they were worth a billion dollars but I’d go, ‘For a quarter, we’re gonna have a race!’ I’d win, cause they’re worth a billion dollars, I’ll take the quarter.”
Ohhhh I see, you’d steal their money from them — slowly, but surely. I’m sorry, that’s rude of me to say you stole your friends’ money. You won the money square and fair by racing them. Nothing like a little healthy competition between a middle-aged man and 9-year-olds.
Anything else you want to share today Steve? Speak up now! Ohhh when you see them these days you know how to tell them apart because of a distinguishing facial mark. WHAT’S THE MARK STEVE? A LIGHTENING BOLT?
“I can’t say! I don’t know if the girls want me to say but she has a little something.”
Wait, back up? Is Steve Guttenberg revealing that the Olsens have differentiating facial marks that only he can see? Holy shit! I knew he was a big deal (to Tom Selleck, I’m guessing), but I had no idea this big. All I have to say is wow Steve, I’m so happy you finally did this press tour and let us know just how tight you are with the Olsens. I can’t wait to see what Mary-Kate and Ashley say about you! They’re also on this highly anticipated press tour, right?