• Fri, Aug 1 - 12:08 pm ET

This Early Review Of The Giver Will Make You Also Wish You Didn’t Have Any Memories

jonas brenton thwaites the giver

The Giver is one of my favorite books of all time. In fact, I recently reread it in anticipation of the movie and was pleased that it held up so well. Sometimes, something you loved as a kid turns out to be the worst when you’re an adult and you really regret revisiting it. (Please see Homeward BoundBoy Meets World and cotton candy as proof of this.) Luckily that’s not the case with the The Giver — even if the new book cover does highlight he fact that Taylor Swift stars in the movie.

#Blech #DoubleBlech #SoHelpMeLoisLowryIfRosemaryIsAMainCharacterNow

While I knew it would be a really difficult story to translate to screen, I still held out hope that it would work. Mostly because I’ve waited my whole entire life to see it as a movie. Even after Taylor Swift weaseled her way into the movie and even after Katie Holmes tricked someone into thinking she was an actress and even after the first trailer bombed, I still thought it would be good.  But alas, it looks like it’s not. According to redditor BackwardsMarathon, it’s a crushing disappointment. S/He claims to have seen the movie a few weeks ago and while I can’t confirm that as a fact, I do pride myself in my ability to believe things on the internet that support my own agenda.

S/He says:

Save your money… Jeff Bridges is the only good part in it. That and the main premise of the movie is all it really has going for it. The biggest problem I had with the movie was the acting. The main actor playing Jonas was so boring. Katie Holmes’ performance was almost laughable, and everyone else is pretty stale. Maybe if they had chosen better actors that could deliver well than maybe I would have enjoyed the movie more. Sorry to disappoint book readers hoping it would be good, but in my opinion it was very boring, unlike the book.

Now again, I don’t know BackwardsMarathon. I don’t know his/her tastes, Tinder strategy or feelings about the third season of Scandal, but nevertheless,  I trust him/her with my life. So I’m going to take this review as fact, quote it endlessly and practice bemoaning how this movie ruined the book and that nothing will ever be the same again and that my life is over and I’m burning every book because I can’t stand seeing another one destroying by the Lamestream Media Hollywood Movie Machine.

Then I’m going to write fanfiction about Lily’s wild teenage years after Jonas left the community in memory flood shambles. Because she was always destined for the Hot Mess Express with those untied pigtails and I think it’s time we give her the spotlight she so deserves.

P.S – To all the movie executives reading this, I’m willing to option this fanfic story. Contact me via Tinder to discuss further.

(GIF: Tumblr)

Share This Post:
  • capoupascap

    I had such high hopes for The Giver because I love the book (but is it weird that I actually like Gathering Blue a little more? Probably, but I do) but then they cast Taylor, and Katie, and the trailer looks so silly. I just have no hopes for it anymore….

    • Jenni

      Did you know there was a third book after Gathering Blue? I just learned this and I need to read it ASAP.

    • capoupascap

      Yep, I’ve read it. To be honest it’s definitely my least favorite of the 3. And I don’t want to be too spoilery but it definitely made me want a 4th book just to clear up well kind of a lot of stuff. It left me with more questions then answers……

    • Jenni

      So don’t read it?

    • capoupascap

      Hmmm the weird thing is I don’t want to outright say no because it does combine the first 2 stories finally and it IS interesting to see where Jonah and Kira turned up….I recommend getting it from the library though.

    • Hannah

      There actually is a fourth book. It’s called Son

    • capoupascap

      I’m going to the library tonight to pick it up! I truly didn’t know that. Thanks!

    • Hannah

      No problem!

    • TJ

      I read Gathering Blue without realizing its connection with The Giver and still loved it so it is definitely a sequel that can stand on its own.. But when I did realize, it made a lot of sense! :) I have a hard time picking which one I loved more though. I’m going to have to dust those suckers off and reread!

    • Nbl

      I had no idea there was a sequel! And I’m off to the library, bibliophile away!!!!!!!

    • TJ

      AND a third and fourth one! We have lots of reading to do this week!

    • Nbl

      If you have an hour to kill and don’t mind spoilers, you need to check this out! It’s hilarious http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lrgYekDqFg0. It’s the supernatural nerd hq panel and you won’t stop laughing. Or drooling.

    • TJ

      I am halfway through the first season and LOVING supernatural!! Man o man- I thought I loved Jared from Gilmore Girls…. although I still get a little confused that his name isn’t Dean…. :D I’m not fond of spoilers soooo how far to I need to make it to be able to watch???

  • Olivia Wilson

    :( :( :(

  • Lily Savage

    NOOOO I WAS SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS

  • OverandOut

    This guy sounds like a d- bag. Meryl Streep is in The Giver… you still want to go with “everyone else was stale”.. please. Btw, your pathetically blatant hate for Taylor Swift doesn’t even warrant any kind of argument. You’re reasonings in several articles have been that of an imbecile as of late and that is why I will no longer read your sorry excuse for journalism/ blogging.. w/e it is you call this garbage.

  • rainlily

    The second trailer is awesome, so I still hold hope.

  • Pingback: Which Books Being Turned Into Movies You Should See In 2014

  • Ellliebellrox

    People talk about accepting the artist’s freedom to change the book’s story to fit the screen…but… The book characters are supposed to be living in near poverty. Comfortable enough but mostly working for. None of that weird shiney white future building and whatnot. I always thought this was a central theme, a great example of how a population can be controlled by their own expectations. I was touched by the stark contrast of the main characters new memories and the bland, repetitive, but safe world around him.

    All the messages and social commentary is stripped in place of a shitty romance and sparkly toys. I don’t care that they made 12 year old 24, I care that the story is a shit, pandering already done crapfest.

  • Savannah Olivetti

    okay, so the author of this article clearly hates Taylor Swift, and thinks that the movie is going to be terrible JUST because of her. Honestly, this movie will flop because they made so many huge flaws! Like casting adults as the leads when they are supposed to be kids in the book! And the plot itself is just too familiar with hunger games and divergent, so why bother making it into a movie at all when people are going to compare it to other franchises? not a smart idea. And from the trailer, it looks like they made the movie look colorless, which is great because thats the way the book is, but the way that they took away color just looks like bad quality. From day one, i suspected that this movie would be unsatisfactory and it looks like i was right.

  • Pingback: Celebrities Who Are Better At Instagram Than At Acting