I have a problem when it comes to my TV. Well, I have many, including the fact I optionally hate watch Finding Carter. But today we’re focusing on the big one that ruins all my weekends. And it’s the fact that I can watch horrible movies over and over and over again. Yes, even though I invest a lot of time and energy into making fun of stupid rom-coms that play every single weekend on USA and TBS and Oxygen, I still end up watching them.
I’m always scrolling through my TV guide and like “ugh, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is on, how messed up is that dumb movie? Also what happened to Kate Hudson’s career? LOL, I hope I remember to make fun of Kate Hudson’s career to someone the next time I make contact with a human being. I wonder when that will be? Is it night time already? I swear I just woke up? Anyways, I guess I’ll watch it since nothing else is on, just for a few minutes, just in the background while I do something productive like brush my teeth.”
Fast forward to an hour later (two if the commercials are especially obnoxious) and I’m sitting on my couch, completely captivated by a story that I already know. Yes, captivated. To the point that I need to watch the end of it. Why? I couldn’t tell you, because I know how it ends. By it, I mean Pretty Woman, Notting Hill, You’ve Got Mail, The Wedding Planner, The Kate Hudson Collection of the ’00s and my favorite rom-com of all time, Titanic. There have been times — times that I’m not at all proud of — where I’ve delayed plans with (human) friends to watch the end of one of these movies.
And to make matters even worse, I have Netflix, HBO and Showtime. There’s never a reason when I should ever even been tempted to watch these movies. Yet, every single time they’re on, I end up watching. Please tell me I’m not alone in making horrible, horrible choices. Please tell me there are other people out there who know all the lines to 13 Going on 30 and still choose to watch it over critically acclaimed shows waiting on their queue. Also tell me there are people who out there who realized upon their 100th viewing of Overboard that it’s actually about a man kidnapping a woman and turning her into a slave. So much for that being a classic feel-good movie!