It’s almost unfathomable to believe that just yesterday morning we were playing the belly bloat or baby bump game with Zoe Saldana— and now, a day later, we’re diagnosing her with twins. And by “with” Zoe Saldana, I obviously mean with a photo of Zoe Saldana. As you’ve probably read in medical journals, my two eyeballs are the next best thing to an OB-GYN doing a pregnancy test in a clean, sterile room. What’s that? You haven’t read that in medical journals? Oh we must be subscribed to different ones. Mine are fancy and have names like In Touch and Life & Style. You know, journals that understand the importance of analyzing a woman’s stomach. Also the importance of body language and treating information from sources who refuse to go on the record as fact.
Annnnnnd speaking of treating sources as fact, there are multiple sources confirming the news to E! that Zoe is pregnant with…wait for it…multiples! Each fetus must have its own source. How very Hollywood of them! As if this news isn’t exciting enough on its own, an insider (not to be confused with a source) told E! that Zoe is “thrilled” about the twins. Which is good, because one day these twins will be born and they will learn to read and they will bing themselves and find this very story. How dreadful would it be to read that your mother abhored the very thought of you. (Spoiler alert: very dreadful!)
So congrats to Zoe and Marco Perego and their alleged twins. May they spend their whole lives surrounded by multiple sources willing to spill their secrets to the media.