The Fifty Shades Of Grey Trailer Just Premiered, So Wake Up Your Lady Parts

Fifty Shades of Grey trailer Jamie Dornan shirtless July 2014

After being teased the new Fifty Shades of Grey trailer by Beyonce earlier this week (and then being really confused about why Beyonce was teasing the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer), we finally got it this morning on Today. The movie’s stars, Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, also showed up in studio to present it. “Here’s a morning-TV-safe sneak peek at a Hollywood movie based on porn. Enjoy!” they said as they handed the trailer to Matt Lauer on a silver platter. Okay, I’ll admit none of that actually happened. They mostly sat awkwardly on the couch.

I’m actually not very well-versed in the Fifty Shades world. I’ve never read the book, but I’ve definitely heard some tampon-related horror stories from it. I’ve also paid attention to the mess that’s been the movie’s production. Not only did it take forever to cast the damn thing, but when the stars finally were cast, one of them didn’t even last. Then we had to go through a whole new round of “Who’s hot enough to play Christian Grey?” until we finally got this guy and crossed our fingers he wouldn’t chicken out. That’s not to mention the fact that the release date got moved.

The trailer itself mostly just features Dakota Johnson doing her best impression of Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada while a slowed-down, creepy version of “Crazy in Love” plays. The TV version was very tame, the raciest part being an elevator kiss (oooh, explicit), but the online version is a little sexier, with a few sneaks peeks at bondage. It might have been more titillating if the leads didn’t look like they were about to fall asleep the whole time. I’m just not seeing much chemistry. Or much energy. Or much being alive in general. Watch the trailer and see for yourself, and then mark your calendar for next Valentine’s Day.

You can reach this post's author, Jill O’Rourke, on twitter.
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    • Hillary511

      This looks silly, but oh my god that version of crazy in love.

      • CMJ

        RIGHT?

    • http://twitter.com/MARvelous_inc L.M.S.

      Two Things:
      1. This looks like a Lifetime movie not a blockbuster.
      2. How can anyone take Mr. Grey seriously? I mean, he doesn’t even have facial hair!

      • oneweeklater

        I’m totally seeing Lifetime movie too.

        Jamie Dornan is excellent in The Fall as a creeper serial killer, and I’m still getting that vibe from him here.

      • CMJ

        Yep! That line about him looking at her was not sexy…it was totally creepy. I blame how good he was in The Fall.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        He’s kind of muppet-y in this, no?

      • CMJ

        Yeah. He was also really hot in Once Upon a Time…but maybe it’s their lack of chemistry that’s ruining this for me?

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        I feel like he needs a little stubble or something. His face is playing as really small.

      • CMJ

        Oh god. A little 5 o’clock shadow would be such a better character choice for Christian Grey.

      • https://twitter.com/perfctlyflawd1 JenH1986

        To be fair Christian Grey is a creeper so…

      • falcongirl

        Yes, watching The Fall was very confusing to me. “You’re a super creepy serial killer, but I feel like I still would.”

      • Jill O’Rourke

        Yeah it does have that vibe, especially since they can’t show the explicit stuff yet.

      • https://twitter.com/perfctlyflawd1 JenH1986

        I am curious how they are going to pull that off.

      • Bee

        Two Things:
        1. This looks like a Lifetime movie not a blockbuster. +1
        2. How can anyone take Mr. Grey seriously? I mean, he doesn’t even have facial hair! +10

    • TJ

      I read the books to see what the fuss is all about and it is definitely fan fiction in physical form. I like Dakota Johnson but I’m afraid she might become the new KStew with that solemn face plastered on. I agree, I’m not feeling they chemistry… But I like the slowed down Crazy in Love- even if it is super creepy!

      • Jill O’Rourke

        They both look so bored I expect them to just fall asleep mid-sex.

    • CMJ

      “Close your mouth, please, Michael. We are not a codfish.”

      (All I can think while seeing Dakota Johnson)

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        I am laughing.

    • Vera

      Honestly, what I’m really looking forward is the 3rd movie (silly kidnapping situation, ridiculous multimillion bank withdrawal, crazy helicopter chase).
      Oh please, let this one do well enough in the box-office so that one’ll get green-lit. *prayers to the inner goddess*

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    • ChopChick

      Sexiest part of this was Beyonce in the background–when did every word she sings become sex-drenched and make me feel so inappropriate?

    • Bee

      I was beginning to think I was the only one not feeling ANY chemistry here. thank you

      • Jill O’Rourke

        Yeah they seem to really be phoning it in.

    • Nbl

      My lady parts are still sleeping :(

      • Jill O’Rourke

        Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

    • markmywords

      Who’s bringing the apples? Are granny smiths okay?

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