14 Celebrities Who’ve Proven They Have No Friends

God Karen you're so stupid Mean Girls GIF(via)

Julianne Hough turned twenty-six years old yesterday, and I have reason to believe she didn’t have a single friend at her party. Acquaintances yes, employees, probably, and maybe even a frenemy or two, but I’m betting no friends. Why? Because if she had friends, they wouldn’t have let her walk into a Halloween party last year in full black face.

See, that’s the thing about friends — they won’t bullshit you. If you have spinach in your teeth or you need to stop whining or you should not be wearing those pants, your friends will let you know. They’re cool like that. But if everyone around you is receiving a paycheck or mooching off that sweet sweet Dancing With The Stars money, they have pretty much zero incentive to be honest with you. Especially when being honest with you entails saying, ‘YO GIRL YOUR FACE IS RACIST.’

But nobody did that for Julianne, so she waltzed out the door and into the news, proving once and for all that she (and these other celebrities) have no friends. Or bad friends. Or didn’t call their friends before they did these really dumb things that made them look very stupid.

1. Julianne Hough

Julianne Hough Halloween Black Face Orange Is The New Black

(Photo: Devone Byrd / PacificCoastNews)

Really? Really guys? This was a group costume, and not one of you thought to maybe let Julianne go as Piper since she’s apparently so blissfully ignorant of the history of minstrelsy?

2. Ashton Kutcher

Hey friends of Ashton Kutcher! Get in here! See, no one came, because they don’t exist. Otherwise, when he asked them if he should play the role of Steve Jobs in a movie (read: act), one of them would have smacked him upside the head and steered him gently back toward rom coms.

3. Kate Gosselin

Kate Gosselin attending book signing for 'Eight Little Faces' April 2009(Photo: David Livingston / Getty Images Entertainment)

Kate Gosselin was allowed to walk around the world for GOD KNOWS HOW LONG with that skunky, spiky monstrosity on the back of her head like a Voldemort, and nobody stopped her. That alone is enough to justify divorcing her husband.

4. Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian Tight Outfit Pregnant

(Photo: WENN.com)

Oh girl. This is why you don’t surround yourself with Kanye West and designers during your pregnancy, because no one will be willing to smack you upside the head and be like “Hi hello pregnant lady, are you comfortable? Because they can hear your feet crying from space.”

5. Jim Carrey

One night Jim Carrey woke up from a fever dream and announced “I think I’ll declare my love for Emma Stone today! And I’ll videotape it so that it always exists forever more! And then I’ll give it to the internet to have!” and no one told him not to, because his friends and family were all outside gazing at the Perseids.

6. Prince Harry

Prince Harry National Gala Arrival(Photo: Daniel Deme / WENN.com)

You know what costume a high-ranking member of the British Royal Family shouldn’t wear to a costume party? Probably any costume, but especially not a Nazi costume. Your friends must really hate you.

7. Miguel

Pro tip: if you’re friends with a performer who asks for help designing their set for the 2013 Billboards and he says he wants to jump over the audience at some point during his performance, TELL HIM NO. The spine of an innocent bystander will thank you.

8. Paula Deen

Paula Deen In Window Waving(Photo: Mr. Blue / WENN.com)

“Okay Paula, yes, let’s go over your deposition one more time. When they ask you if you’ve ever used a racial slur before, what do you say? That’s right, you say ‘yes, of course‘, and you smile really big — no, bigger. Show all your teeth at the same time! That’s right.”

9. Tom Cruise

If that’s how excited Tom got to talk about his fledgling relationship with Katie Holmes, you know it’s because not a single other person in his life had ever asked him about it. Before you get yourself to the point where Oprah is holding your struggling body at arm’s length away from herself, maybe go through your address book and see if anybody wants to grab a drink and a gab. Get some of those couch-jumping jollies out before you’re on national television, you human husky.

10. Madonna

Madonna Performing at MSG

(Photo: Optic Photos / PacificCoastNews)

“This is a cool outfit for a fifty-something mom to wear onstage, yes?” (This is the moment when someone — anyone — should have said, “Well Madonna, it’s very likely that your children will one day learn to Google, so perhaps we slip a tasteful skirt or a bustier over your bra and panties?” But  no one did.)

11. Carly Rae Jepsen

I have to assume that one day last year, Carly texted everyone she knew, “hey im good at sports rite? they want me to throw a ball at sumthing lol should i say yes??” If only even one of her friends had written back, “no gurl u always do that thing when you throw it strate down r u kidding me?” But sadly all Carly’s friends were out standing in line for cronuts and talking about how different her bangs looked since she got famous, so she went ahead with it on her own recognizance, with amazingly terrible results.

12. Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber Coachella

(Photo: Kevin Winter / Getty Images Entertainment)

I mean, where to even begin? With the bucket hats? The diaper pants? The fact that his entire body is covered in tattoos? Bottom line — friends don’t let friends take shirtless selfies.

13. Katy Perry

The next time you’re about to make a collaborative music video with someone you’ve broken up with several times who you CLEARLY like more than he likes you, come to me Katy! I don’t mind being a friend, and I could’ve helped you, but now this video of you mooning all over John Mayer is forever on the internet and you’re already on to dating the next d-bag. Is there no one in your life who can stop this madness??

14. Manti Te’o

Manti Te'o

(Photo: Jeff Gross / Getty Images Sport)

“My girlfriend and I talk every night but we’ve never met and she has a voice like a man and one time I flew to Hawaii to see her but there was a miscommunication and we never got to hang out and now she’s dead. Any of that sound fishy to you?” And Manti’s friend saw him looking at him, took his headphones out and was like, “What? Huh? I’m sure it’s fine.”

Share This Post:
    • Jenni

      Why don’t we talk about Manti Te’o more!?! America, I’m asking you!

      • Alexis Rhiannon


      • Alyssa

        I see you have no answers.

      • Alexis Rhiannon


      • TJ

        That poor man has suffered long enough… I feel like it would be a repeat of getting to know Ryan Lochte more…

    • Samantha Escobar

      I don’t know why but this title made me laugh very hard. You might have noticed that, since I am sitting near you and was laughing.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Oh hurray! I did notice that, but I didn’t know that it was all for meeeeeeeeeeeee!

    • MCR

      One of Paula Deen’s many black friends AKA employees might have warned her, but oddly enough, they all just grinned happily and said, “Naw, go ahead!”

    • Alyssa

      Madonna needs to just… stop. Also: Why do we keep letting celebrities throw the first pitch? More often than not, it goes horribly. Why don’t these celebrities practice pitching before they throw the opening pitch? I NEED ANSWERS ALEXIS.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        I love when they throw the first pitch. Never stop letting them throw the first pitch.

    • Chris Hugh

      How many toes does Kim Kardasian have? Or is that an octopus escaping from her shoe?

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