Beyoncé teased a trailer for Fifty Shades of Grey on her Instagram account over the weekend for no reason, as far as I can tell, other than to confuse us all. Like, maybe there is a legitimate reason, such as the fact that she’s involved with the movie in some way. But from this angle, I can’t quite understand it. Because as you may or may not know, the entire production of Fifty Shades is —what someone might call— a flaming train wreck. And Beyoncé is the queen of the exact opposite genre of things. She wouldn’t even go to Kimye’s wedding for fear that it would be too much of a clown show. Which is why it surprises me so much that Hollywood’s reigning super-deity would be involved in any way with this movie, let alone promoting it on her social media accounts like it’s a point of pride or something.
Time suspects that Bey’s touting the sexytime movie’s trailer because it features a snippet of her and Jay Z’s song, “Crazy In Love.” A scary slowed-down snippet, which actually is more befitting of a creepy horror movie, but a snippet nonetheless. So that’s a good enough theory, until you remember that there have probably been dozens of movies that have used a song of theirs in trailers; but just this one has ended up on her Instagram. Hell, The Great Gatsby used music from Beyoncé and everyone she’s ever met, but still no mention of that when it was released. So, I’m guessing that her role could be much bigger than just a song or two tossed in. Which means that I totally would not judge you if you started to panic from sheer confusion right now.
The video, which was posted with the caption “#fiftyshades”, can be seen below. And then after you watch it, begin gathering your canned goods and flashlights and head to your bunkers. Because, if Beyonce is seriously involved with (or worse, in) this movie, we should expect the apocalypse shortly thereafter.