In the true fashion of Hollywood and people whose lives are just way better than all of ours, rumors have recently erupted that Sofia Vergara is now dating hunky piece of man-meat Joe Manganiello. Since they’re both abnormally attractive on their own, I can only imagine that if they walked into a room together as an official out-and-proud couple, the thermostat in the building would inevitably explode and nobody would have to cook their food ever again because of the insane heat these two would be radiating.
Fortunately, for those of us who are more visual learners and like looking at pretty things, this type of phenomenon is the norm these days. Oretty celebrity couples abound in waves so vast that they’re probably some specifically engineered byproduct of a membership in this exclusive “good-looking-humans-who-enjoy-being-in-popular-movies-only” club whose mission statement has something to do with imminent world domination. Since I was unfortunately denied access to a list of club members (mostly because I just made this club up five seconds ago), here are a list of beautiful famous pairs that would probably be a part of it:
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I really don’t think I could have gotten away with not including these two on here, so let me just get them out of the way before I commit any crimes against the entertainment industry. Brad’s hair could use a trim, but other than that these two a) do not age, and b) are stunning and graceful and all that good stuff. They’re like peacocks of the red carpet, which I of course mean in a good way.
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It physically pains me how adorable these two are, especially with their new baby, Otis. Olivia is obviously a knockout, but Jason is one of those sneaky cuties that kind of hides out in the comedy jungle (which I tend to frequent so I’m not knocking it by any means), and then one day he thinks, “Hmm, maybe I’ll wear a tuxedo today and pair it with the perfect amount of scruff,” and you’re just like, “IT IS HILARIOUS HOW HOT YOU ARE, YOU COMEDIC HUNK.” In this “you” really means “me.” But also maybe “you.” If that’s what you’re into. I don’t know you like that. Or at all.
Posh and the Footballer. It kind of sounds like a fairy tale. I mean, they look like fairy tale characters, so I guess that just what I’ll go with. Disney, feel free to contact me regarding any film contracts you want to discuss.
I love that these two are so relatively under the radar except for when they do anything outside of their apartment because HOW CAN YOU NOT NOTICE TWO BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE SUCH AS THESE TRAIPSING AROUND THE LAND?
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Do you ever just look at two people and think, “I wish I was half as attractive as their child is going to be”? Because that’s literally all I think when I look at these two. Also I think about how Ryan Reynolds almost got a membership at my gym but didn’t, so I have a bone to pick with him (true story). Also I would sell my first-born to have Blake Lively’s hair.
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So now that we know that Eva Mendes is reportedly seven months pregnant, which I think someone would have noticed by now, but I guess we’re just not going to mention it? Maybe it’s a food baby? But whatever, it’s fine, these two should come out more, I miss looking at them (read: Gossy).
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Bow down to the king and queen. Seriously, do it. I’ll wait here.
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I have never wanted two men to be straight more than I want these two to be, just so I can marry them. Or at least be a beard or something. Like, they can stay married to each other and be adorable together with their kids (I mean, have you SEEN NPH’s Instagram?), but I would also like a turn. I feel like it’s only fair.
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I will never get over the fact that Kelso and Jackie are getting married IRL. Even though they probably want me to just get over it already.
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AND IN THIS CORNER, MY FAVORITE CELEBRITY COUPLE IN EXISTENCE. That’s all.
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I will never get over the fact that they met while filming Step Up. Also I will never get over Magic Mike, or the fact that when I saw it with my friends we were the youngest people in the theater by a solid 50 years. But that’s a story for another day
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Insert poorly-executed “All of Me” pun here. (I don’t want to stifle your creative spirit.)
Under that really scary platinum blonde dye job, there are just so many layers of attractiveness to discover between these two.
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Say what you will about these two only being reality stars and therefore not really celebrities and mock Scott all you want for being an obnoxious yet HILARIOUS douche-monkey, but this is one good-looking couple, and they’re passing those genes on to future generations, which I think is really swell.