Pinnacle of Hollywood parenting Kim Kardashian has some excellent advice for all you pregnant ladies out there — stay hidden inside, you fat filthy cows. Get it? Got it? Good.
As she’s reminded us approximately ten thousand times a day ever since the moment that Kanye West‘s sperms took up residence in her uterus (guys, how do babies work?), she did not enjoy being pregnant. Like, at all. Not even for one minute. I mean, what is there to like? Your body changes, and all of a sudden another life is relying on you, and ew ew ew ew ew ew.
And if, like Kim, you reject the idea that you’re a different shape by refusing to change the way you dress, squeezing yourself into your old clothing is going to leave you looking like a very fashionable sausage casing. Which, as it happens, is a thing that some people are inclined to point out.
I don’t happen to be one of those people, because I think pregnancy is a beautiful thing, but you know who actually is one of those people? Kim Motherefffing Kardashian. Here’s the ‘pregnancy advice’ that she handed out during an interview with ELLE:
“I recommend hiding for a good year and having no pregnancy style. That’s what I recommend. If you can do it, hide. Never leave the house.”
OH HEY GIRL HI. Because most human beings living in the world have an extra nine months to bum around their house making zero income, right? What a working mom thing of her to say! She really does understand her fellow women, and has some cutting edge thoughts and ideas. We should start putting her quotes on buttons and marching on Washington. Even when her sisters Khloe and Kourtney tried to get her to back off a statement like that, she held firm, only making it worse by saying:
“That’s really my recommendation. Wear a huge blanket.”
You hear that, pregnant ladies? Cover yourselves up, you monsters? What are you thinking, stomping around where anybody could see you, turning stomachs left and right with your astonishing ability to nurture a human life inside your body.
So yeah, just let me know when you’ve got your huge blanket and your house arrest lined up, you pregnant abominations, and then I’ll put a nickel in Kim Kardashian and see if she can spit out any more humble truths of motherhood for us.